Venimus, Vidimus, Vicimus.

On 20/10/09 we came, we saw and we conquered. The 7th, 8th and 9th floor of G Building. LOL.

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Actually, its just that our haikus which we submitted to Christine for printing came back. AO size i think. Its HUGE. And we stamped our mark on the upper floors of the building with our haikus. I really like this idea. =D

Mind u, this is really part of our project, not just any activity...

Had a GREAT time putting these up with the classmates. ^^ <3

Disappointment in myself.

I feel like a failure. A weakness i know i always had was being exposed again. And this time it hurts so much more. So, so much.

Because i know i can do nothing about it. Because i let it grow inside me for so long.

I'd often tell people and friends that i'm not a good person. That i have a heart made of steel. I can ignore people easily if i want to, if i don't like them. Its easy to read my body language when this happens. I know someone who can't do this because she has such a good, soft heart, although at times i tell her to toughen up when the situation needs her to.

A tough and strong heart is best for resilience and withstanding attacks from other people. But NOT when u are needed to be there for someone. When ppl expect u to put ur heart on ur sleeve for them. To them ur heart is just stone cold.

If you don't already know by now, i can't comfort people.

You know how sometimes when a friend is down, and they go looking for someone that'll comfort them? The friend will say soothing words and calm the crappy-feeling person down. The friend will say the right words at the right time, and tend to the person and be their ears and physical source of comfort.

That someone isn't me. And you don't know how much it eats away at me. How much i feel like i disappointed my friends with my own lack of emotional comfort and support. Because i wanted to be there for my friends when they feel down. I wanted to be their source of comfort, a place to let out.

But i failed, i failed terribly. Even though how much i want it, it always backfires on me.

---(O)---

I remember seeing my roommate cry. In front of me. I never had friends crying in front of me before. I didn't know what to do, what to say. I was afraid. Seeing a friend in trouble and crying, it tears away at my heart. But i was helpless. I didn't know what to say to her, how to comfort her. She expected something from me, i could give her nothing. All i could blurt out is a tiny 'Are u ok?' Then silence. I just sat there and let her cry till she stop. And the disappointment i felt in myself grows and grows.

When another friend of mine told me her troubles...i could see she was visibly very upset, and yet again i didn't know what to say. My mind is all blank. All i could do is try change the subject a little bit, or repeat something i said earlier, or try cheering her up instead.

I couldn't give comfort. Heh. Some friend i am.

Now it happened again. Someone wanted me to be there, just for her. Nurse her hurt, tend to her wounds. Wanted me on her side. Once again, my logical mind overrules everything. I analysed her situation, and lectured her abt her misgivings. I admit it, i tend to think alot and overanalyse and criticise things. I almost always analyse first before giving out the verdict. I stand on the fact that i couldn't take her side, because she wasn't right.

She then tells me that it wouldn't kill for me to break my rules for once even when i'm not supposed to take sides. That i could at least had stitched up her open wound before i start shooting her with cold hard facts.

I realised, she was right. I had approached her situation with the wrong way, again. I had been so robotic, until i had lost my 'human' touch.

What do i do? What should i have said? I dunno, i dunno!! I am at lost for words. I am not a person who comforts people. I DONT KNOW HOW. Now i know how dyslexics feel. It used to puzzle me why there exists dyslexia, and what sufferings dyslexics go through. I think now i know the feeling of not understanding and using something that probably the rest of the world knows how to.

~ \\ * // ~

U know there's this saying, "know which friend to go to for each situation". When u are joyous, who do u share it with? When u are in deep shit, who do u call to ask for help? When u feel down in the dumps, who do you want to pull you up and clean u before u face the world again?

Sadly, i think i'm not this person to all my friends. I do care about my friends, but i don't know how to deal with them when they are down in the dumps. It doesnt mean i don't care. I care, i care alot. But i suppose my way of caring is hard for people to understand.

It's been like this for a long while. I don't know when this will end. This really is a glaring weakness of me as a friend. I had been blaming myself for a looooong time now. It seems it'll never end...

This is not a post to tell everyone NOT to look for me when they are down. Nor is this to tell people that i'm sick of their problems and leave me alone. NO THAT IS NOT IT. This is just me letting out. Me really disappointed in myself.

I'm sorry to the people, in the past, present and future in my life, for not being understanding enough.

~ // * \\ ~

Funny, how a person who's always proud of being flamboyant with words find herself failing to come up with the right words at the right time.

Quick update~

Ok obviously the previous blog i saved it as a draft..that's why the date was 10th when i only posted now on 18th...LOL...

Anyway next up i'm gonna upload those to facebook and more shots to dA then i'm back to assignments...been spending the whole Saturday editing pics =.="""

Finally submitted my banner ads. Took me looooooong enuff. Sigh. =.="" Now next challenge is animatics. =.="" SIGH....

Ohh and i thought of a game to play on my blog. It'll appear soon..perhaps next post. Heheh. OK ciao!!! xDD

Will keep u guys updated as much as possible...seeing how assignments had been crushing on me. Haiz.

~~Random Day~~

"The night is cool; the morning bright and sunny; the afternoon dark and stormy." Ducca, '09




That's how the weather is like these few days. This afternoon another wave of heavy rain and thunder came, only much worse. The rain was SO heavy, the wind SO strong, that i had all my room windows closed and there is this "wuu~wuu~" sound that appeared due to the wind. The cones on the road all fell; the trees(even the tall ones) swayed from left to right, and the intensity of everything is so strong that i couldnt see Spring and even G building clearly...






Anyway, today is VERY RANDOM, just like the weather.






Forced myself out of bed around 10am and got myself ready for basketball practice. While waiting for time to pass i continued reading my "Blabbermouth" comic until i got to page 88. LOL. Practice was okay, but alot were absent and in the end only 4 of us are playing. Played 2 2-on-2 match. Was out of breath and tired after each one, even though my team won. LOL. I really need to work on my stamina...


Still haven't choose teams officially for the tounament tho...hmm. Oh well. I'm looking forward to the next session already... =)


And then, of all ppl in my class, Kim was the first one to watch me play basketball. This i least expected. LOL. But it was good..shows how unpredictable life can be. You are the first, gal!! =) She was in campus to see lecturer and asked where i was. In the end i went lunch with her. Ate chicken rice from one of the new stalls in open air. Had an easygoing conversation with her before we parted ways.



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I finished reading "Blabbermouth" and went to see lecturer for my assignment. After i finished i debated whether to go alone to Spring or not, as i bumped into Jacky in the open lab(another random moment) and he has class till 7.30pm...then cun cun that time Sharon text me if wanna go Spring. However plans kinda changed cos she felt wanna eat Hartz, so in the end me, Jacky, Sharon and Kathleen went to Hartz for dinner.


It was my first time there. Ever.


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Did i mention before how much i love stuff that has anything to do with potato? Potato chips..baked potatoes..mashed potatoes....LOVE 'EM. And Hartz has GREAT whipped tomato. I love it very much...here's what we ate...


The girl's varied vegetables...

If i'm not mistaken this is Kathleen's...super healthy.... =D




..............................compared to this guy's. LOL!!!




Mine. ^^ Potatoes...rice...chicken. Yummy.








~~Let's take pics~~ ^^





SharKat. Or Katron. LOL~~




Jacky....can see he's VERY satisfied. LMAO!!!



Me~~ ^^





In Hartz, u pay rm18 for a buffet, and eat all u like(but u must finish what u ordered!)...i was SO FULL until i can't walk properly...and kinda worried i'll vomit due to overstuffing myself. But i felt better in the end while we walked around the S'wak Plaza & Waterfront perimeter. I always had a good time walking thru the city at nighttime. Made me emo abit. But dun worry, its GOOD emo. LOL. The night is cool and i took alot of pics...wanna apologise for taking pics here and there and they had to wait up for me >.<

~~~~Out on the streets~~~~~

A traditional ethnic guy who's playing the traditional ethnic instrument. =.="" What a way to say it. I do not know his ethic race...but he played nice. =D

I BET all Crystal's looking at is the tattoos on his body. >.<

Then we walked along and spotted an artist.....

Check out his drawings...



Look who's in the middle. If it wasn't the Sultan of Brunei.... x) But abit too fat la he draw x.X

Then we continued walked around and played on the streets....LOL...

Sharon, for some reason, was very high that day. >.<

.........................................'nuff said. =.="""

See no evil. Hear no evil. Speak no evil. xDDD

We even went to Hilton Hotel. Haha...


I love the lighting. xD

Then on the way back to our car...we saw THIS.

WALAO!!! Antique man!!! xDD Look at the front there. Got little horns(trumpets?) again. Look at the side there. Like got little pipes. What a menace this is!!! Too bad the shot is blurry....sigh. I suppose i cant stop myself shaking from excitement. LOL.

We ended the night on a high note. Lol. Its really cool to walk around after a meal like that. Hope we can do it again soon!!

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OH ya. I took plenty of pics on that night. I didn't upload all of them here...the rest i'm gonna upload into facebook and dA. Especially the ones i reserved for dA only. I'm very happy to have taken sum shots....check it out here soon link.

Thank u Sharon, for bringing us out that night. And thanks to Kathleen(very nice to have met her and hung out with her!) and Jacky too for the night. =)

One hurdle passed, another more to go.

4 Blue Screen of Deaths (BSoD). I am really starting to worry about my laptop liao. Happened the 4th time today when i switched it on to read my M'sian Studies slides. Told Sharon abt it...she told me to back up my things...

I should do it.

Oh and finally i got my M'sian test behind me now. Phew! The test is ok. Read the 'tips' lecturer gave...so in the end yeah i can answer mostly the questions.

And now back to stressing out over my Actionscript. My my. I have 3 days left. Must email him! xD

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Oh ya this is the first week of lessons after our mid term break. More stress...next week oredi need present idea...walao..but thankfully in afternoon Christine's class it was fun again =)) It is ALWAYS FUN in her class...i really like this Design Studio class...we were always making something...last time we made those 'positive posters'..and this week we made animal cardboard cutouts.

My bunny. I'm sorry it turned out this way...bunny herself wouldnt be satisfied with this i guess. But oh wells. I was never good at crafts in the first place.....

You can check out what the others had done at Greg's & Olivia's page...they took pics of the other works too...now i remind myself to always bring camera to Christine's class...LOL...it was always so much fun..too bad my camera phone gone x.X

And in her class always can hee hee ha ha. That day we did that alot~~~mwuahahah. No wonder i finish my animal cutout the last. =.=""

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I realised there's a strange mark on my hand. It looks like a bruise, but it's not even painful. The skin on that mark is slightly dry..but it's just that spot only tho. Hmmm....how did i get this mark?? Weird...

Ohhh today i asked my friends abt printing T-shirts. Found out Bryan's bro does T-shirt printing...cool...i wanna print this design i had in my mind for a week plus liao...last night was drawing additional designs for it...will finalise it soon before i send it to print...abit excited..cos this is first time i design shirt..nevertheless, this design and idea is born out of sian-ness....LOL~~ only wearable on thursdays xDDD

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Basketball practice later at 10.30am. So early...need to sleep soon. Going to form teams later. Hope i'm in with one of the better players out there. I wanna win~~~ xDD

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival!

HAPPY MID AUTUMN FESTIVAL!!!!! =DD

Today is the 15th day of the 8th month in the lunar Chinese calendar, which means its time for mooncakes and teas and lanterns!!!

And my birthday is 4 days away. Happy advanced birthday to myself!!! =D

Oh...and i went on to wish everyone "Happy Mooncake Festival"..haha...grammatically wrong i suppose. If there is a language officer sure i kena saman..xD

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Did nothing today...everyone had their plans and was everywhere...was doing assignment n the lab with Sharon and Greg...until our stomachs growled and Sharon had to go back...so tonite was getting really boring until we decided to go Spring. Walked there with Greg (its his first time! =D) and met up with Edron there. Just walked around in Spring..saw abit of this fashion show...they showcased dresses for pregnant ladies..wow...looks high fashion with all those heels...ehehhehe. It was a nice experience..tho i must admit, i was more interested in the cameras the photographers covering the event was using~~ =PP

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Came back tired. Going to finish the mooncake i opened last nite i guess. And reflect on what happened today...and how round the moon looked tonite. No lanterns for me this year. =/

中秋节快乐！！！ =D

Hello October~

October is here!! And what a way to start the day....a rainy morning that made my sleep SO MUCH BETTER. Who doesn't enjoy a rainy morning to sleep in?

It has been quite hot everyday for the last week/final days of September (o.O nice name for a song...laa laa~~) so it makes a nice change to rain...but seriously though, the haze is coming back together with the hot days. Ahh wells. Cant do much about it but to reduce/totally stop open burning!! >.<

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Had basketball practice today..lucky the time was changed to afternoon..wouldnt wanna miss sleeping on a rainy morning X) It's been a loooooooong time since i last played b'ball...and today turned out all right. I hadnt lost too much of my shine. Wahseh. Later ppl come beat me up. LOL. Got to know some new ppl as a result..and managed to learn something new...there are 3 girls whose skills are very good..if i were to play against them i had to be careful...one of them is interesting cos she uses her left hand more. Hmm. I can't really play with left hand...but i can always learn~

Anyway, next session is next week. Hope i can learn something new again. Sigh. Wished i had a ball...then can play anytime i wanted. X.x

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Bought mooncake. FINALLY!! Pandan flavour. WITHOUT yolk. ^^ Too bad green tea finished...i'd like green tea. Perhaps i'll buy white lotus flavour next. If i still haf $$. LOL.

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Anyway, back to assignments. I haven't had much time left. Wish me luck ppl. And all the best too to my classmates!! =)

Last day of September.

I'm not even gonna start this post with that line from Green Day's song, even tho i am very tempted to do so. Its kinda overused and cliched..but oh wells.

My fav month is coming to an end...October is here! Time flies so fast and now, its the end of the year already....two more months till 2010. Wow...

This September is really different from the ones in the past...i get to do alot of stuff i never done before...like karaoke, KFC in kuching, shisha, 3D movie(Ge-Force), play guitar & piano(VERY briefly), cook more, played sports with classmates etc..thanks to ppl who made those happen!!

Even with all those happy stuff that happened, i prolly wont forget the unfortunate incident which happened to my friends jsut a few days before my special day...it taught us all a good lesson: never leave any electronics behind in the car. It was a very expensive lesson which we learnt the hard way...sighs.

September will also be the month which we are very stressed out..cos there are assignment deadlines to meet...stayed up late more frequently as a result...feel my health deteriorating very quickly...these days feel short of breath...i'm afraid of....ahem. I think i might need more exercise...i think...


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Anyway...how do i end the last day of september? By going thru a movie marathon that lasted nearly 7hrs...LOL...original plan was to watch Ice Age 1,2 & 3 but we couldnt find the DVD anywhere(shops were closed...we had to go all the way back to Kenyalang to look for DVD =.="")..so in the end we bought other movies instead.


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Watched 'Push' as the first movie. Stars Chris Evans(hot as ever~), Dakota Fanning(FINALLY saw her acting liao..LOL...amazing actress) and Camilla Belle(pretty xD). It was okay the movie..enjoyed all those special powers stuff(ok i ALWAYS enjoy superpower stuff xP) but the way it ended..haha..abit too sudden...LOL...


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Second is a Thai movie Greg bought.."Dong Yum Gong" if i'm not mistaken...LOL...starring Tony Jaa....my god...this movie is 85% action than dialogue...the fighting scenes were "WALAO!" and plentiful...so much fighting scenes that we got tired even tho Tony himself doesnt seem to tire from all that fighting...LOL...and funny thing is in one scene it seems like characters from the game 'Tekken' all came out..HAHAHAH....we saw Eddy Gordo, Jin Kazama and Marduk. LOL!! According to Ah Lam those are the guys that WILL play the respective characters in the new Tekken movie..LOL...i gotta admit..the guy who played 'Jin' is REALLY CUTE. X)


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Third and last is the Jackie Chan movie "Rob-B-Hood"..also starring Louis Koo and Michael Hui..about kidnapping babies..LOL...i remember when this movie was the craze in HK simply cos the baby is TOO CUTE...lol...surprisingly this film feature many cameos, including Nicholas Tse, Daniel Wu & gf Lisa S among the few. This film is good, hadnt enjoyed a HK film like this in awhile..well balance of comedy, action & drama. The pace of the film is good..and some scenes especially towards the end...omg...seriously can make u cry...ishh...but i DIDNT tho..hahaha!!


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Finished the whole thing...all in the meantime we had pizza...and again, my first pizza in Kuching..lol...ordered delivery...i think we chose Spicy Masala and Chicken Pepperoni...tasted AWESOME. Heeheheh!! After the marathon tho..feel tired the eyes...LOL.



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I think i'm retiring early tonight. I have basketball practice tmr...heh. Wake me up when September ends~~~ la la la...wanna sing it~~~

Best Monday Ever. 28/09/09.

Happy Birthday again to my friends Richard and Dayat who had their birthday Monday 28/09 yesterday!! And that means...September is ending~~

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I think sometime last month i had the WORST monday ever....but but...i had probably the *best* one yesterday. As a celebration for our "temporary" release of workload from our assignments aka holidays, we decided to have fun for a day and go sing K~~

I admit...i'm nervous about singing in front of other ppl. But i never went k before..wanna try it before i regret never trying it..and besides that can hang out with classmates again..really like all of your company! So with excitement(and a tinge of headache tiredness) we set off to k in the morning..

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LOL. We went crazy. Haha!! The guys start singing first...i dunno if its cos i didnt eat b'fast or i not enuff sleep or a combination of the two...but i wasnt really in the mood. I just wasnt warmed up yet...but luckily after a breather outside and 'our song' came...we were ready to rock. ^^

My first song of all songs is 'Numb' by Linkin Park..haha...first song already need to scream...LOL...lost my voice abit cos of that...but its ok...i *finally* sang a LP song in k! LOL~~ and then Wake Me Up When September Ends(very fitting huh...lol) and Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day..and and...MJ song...heheheheh..."Heal The World" xDDD LOVED IT....then after that i sang many more...chinese song too LOL...'爱丫爱丫' and '专属天使' i always sang chorus tho...in private...but yesterday i sang full for k...bet i sounded off key =.=""" but took it as a challenge lor~~

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Was REALLY happy & proud sumone sang yesterday. Did very well!!

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And the gilaness the guys created...LMAO...funny la u all. Made the whole 6hrs entertaining and funny and more bearable xD The best songs we all did is 'Love Story' - Taylor Swift, 'Just Dance' - Lady Gaga (Poker Face was TOO MUCH....LOL) and the 'climax'...'HALO' - Beyonce...AHAH...cos i think everyone was really tired after all the shouting and singing for 'Halo'..hahah....Sam..no need sian this song liao la....HAHAH....really love it when EVERYBODY sang together~~

Oohh...and got to meet both Sharon and Crystal's goood goood goood fren. =)

Oh. And the BEST vegetarian food i ate in Kuching. Well its the best cos its the only one i been to. >.< BUT!! The 'vegetable kuih' REALLY GOOD. I think the restaurant name is "Legend Vegetarian Restaurant"..pls correct me if i'm wrong..hehe..nice...i WILL go back there eat again if i have chance...reasonably priced, tauke nice! xDD

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After that we went to Aladin in Carpenter Street for dinner...haha..really nice the chicken rice..everyone was eating it..heheh..squirrel on top there and tattoos everywhere~~lol~~ It reminds me of that restaurant i used to go in Johor who's famous for their fried chicken rice ala Malay style too...i wonder which is better? xP

After dinner we went hung out at Little Lebanon. Had my first SS. It was nice and fun. And i was taking pics again. HAHAHA. They were like...'enuff already!' lol!! Edwin did sum insane tricks and we all loved it. HAHA!! The guy's cool!! xDD

Walked back to our car amidst the taking down of red plastic lanterns in Carpenter Street. The night is cool, the street is silent, we were happy and no cats died. >.<

Am very, very happy. And glad that everyone had fun and enjoyed too. Cheers~~

P/S Thanks Edwin!! =)

Smiles in the storm.

I'm happy. Really HAPPY. I got myself a new desktop wallpaper....and i can't stop oogling at it. HAHA!!

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Hello how's everyone? I know i myself shouldn't be on here...assignment deadlines are VERY NEAR and i have ALOT to do...but taking a small break to post a mini update

should be ok right? No?

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I had my birthday recently...and it was a blast. Wanna give a shout out to my friends who made the day for me!

Special thanks to Sharon for making sure the tradition of eating birthday eggs on birthday is not stopped. Very thoughtful of her. =) Also to Crystal and Sam who planned the 'programs' for the day, one for the steamboat dinner and the other for the unforgettable 3D movie experience. And BIG THANKS for everyone who wished me 'Happy Birthday' in Facebook and in real life xP

And thanks too to those who hung out with me on that day...even though some of you can't make it but i was really happy that everyone sent their wishes. Not to forget those who gave me presents!! Thank you all so much, i love all of them!

I started the day doing photoshoot for Jacky's band "Genesis"...it was a fun experience, and i get to hold guitars and play the piano abit. Don't get me wrong...i don't know how to play...i just went there have fun...then who knew....i ended the night in a studio too...BIG THANKS to Edwin for letting us hang out in his studio....he taught me abit on the guitar strings..which is cool...and i get to finally see Sam 'strutting his stuff' and it was awesome to see him and Edwin jam...cool cool~~

It shall be one unforgettable birthday. Makes a nice change from my original plan to just eat a cake in Secret Recipe alone as a celebration. LOL~ So...thank you everyone. (sorry for being quiet at times tho...lol)

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Other updates...my post on what i did 27th Aug was up already..posted it awhile back...here's the link...hmm hmm...what else? Heh yea..these days rush assignment..but still feel like i did nothing..lol...just hope i can make it!! Everyone GAMBATTE!! xD

Ooohh....u wanna see the wallpaper i was talking abt?? Hehe..i even tidied my desktop icons just so its more visible...wuahahhaha~~~

The new Ferrari 458 Italia. Utter coolness. I have the new Lamboghini Reventon Roadster wallpaper too...that one was a sexy monster....xDD ....But i like this better. Always Ferrari first~~~~ xDD