Venimus, Vidimus, Vicimus.

On 20/10/09 we came, we saw and we conquered. The 7th, 8th and 9th floor of G Building. LOL.

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Actually, its just that our haikus which we submitted to Christine for printing came back. AO size i think. Its HUGE. And we stamped our mark on the upper floors of the building with our haikus. I really like this idea. =D

Mind u, this is really part of our project, not just any activity...

Had a GREAT time putting these up with the classmates. ^^ <3

Disappointment in myself.

I feel like a failure. A weakness i know i always had was being exposed again. And this time it hurts so much more. So, so much.

Because i know i can do nothing about it. Because i let it grow inside me for so long.

I'd often tell people and friends that i'm not a good person. That i have a heart made of steel. I can ignore people easily if i want to, if i don't like them. Its easy to read my body language when this happens. I know someone who can't do this because she has such a good, soft heart, although at times i tell her to toughen up when the situation needs her to.

A tough and strong heart is best for resilience and withstanding attacks from other people. But NOT when u are needed to be there for someone. When ppl expect u to put ur heart on ur sleeve for them. To them ur heart is just stone cold.

If you don't already know by now, i can't comfort people.

You know how sometimes when a friend is down, and they go looking for someone that'll comfort them? The friend will say soothing words and calm the crappy-feeling person down. The friend will say the right words at the right time, and tend to the person and be their ears and physical source of comfort.

That someone isn't me. And you don't know how much it eats away at me. How much i feel like i disappointed my friends with my own lack of emotional comfort and support. Because i wanted to be there for my friends when they feel down. I wanted to be their source of comfort, a place to let out.

But i failed, i failed terribly. Even though how much i want it, it always backfires on me.

---(O)---

I remember seeing my roommate cry. In front of me. I never had friends crying in front of me before. I didn't know what to do, what to say. I was afraid. Seeing a friend in trouble and crying, it tears away at my heart. But i was helpless. I didn't know what to say to her, how to comfort her. She expected something from me, i could give her nothing. All i could blurt out is a tiny 'Are u ok?' Then silence. I just sat there and let her cry till she stop. And the disappointment i felt in myself grows and grows.

When another friend of mine told me her troubles...i could see she was visibly very upset, and yet again i didn't know what to say. My mind is all blank. All i could do is try change the subject a little bit, or repeat something i said earlier, or try cheering her up instead.

I couldn't give comfort. Heh. Some friend i am.

Now it happened again. Someone wanted me to be there, just for her. Nurse her hurt, tend to her wounds. Wanted me on her side. Once again, my logical mind overrules everything. I analysed her situation, and lectured her abt her misgivings. I admit it, i tend to think alot and overanalyse and criticise things. I almost always analyse first before giving out the verdict. I stand on the fact that i couldn't take her side, because she wasn't right.

She then tells me that it wouldn't kill for me to break my rules for once even when i'm not supposed to take sides. That i could at least had stitched up her open wound before i start shooting her with cold hard facts.

I realised, she was right. I had approached her situation with the wrong way, again. I had been so robotic, until i had lost my 'human' touch.

What do i do? What should i have said? I dunno, i dunno!! I am at lost for words. I am not a person who comforts people. I DONT KNOW HOW. Now i know how dyslexics feel. It used to puzzle me why there exists dyslexia, and what sufferings dyslexics go through. I think now i know the feeling of not understanding and using something that probably the rest of the world knows how to.

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U know there's this saying, "know which friend to go to for each situation". When u are joyous, who do u share it with? When u are in deep shit, who do u call to ask for help? When u feel down in the dumps, who do you want to pull you up and clean u before u face the world again?

Sadly, i think i'm not this person to all my friends. I do care about my friends, but i don't know how to deal with them when they are down in the dumps. It doesnt mean i don't care. I care, i care alot. But i suppose my way of caring is hard for people to understand.

It's been like this for a long while. I don't know when this will end. This really is a glaring weakness of me as a friend. I had been blaming myself for a looooong time now. It seems it'll never end...

This is not a post to tell everyone NOT to look for me when they are down. Nor is this to tell people that i'm sick of their problems and leave me alone. NO THAT IS NOT IT. This is just me letting out. Me really disappointed in myself.

I'm sorry to the people, in the past, present and future in my life, for not being understanding enough.

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Funny, how a person who's always proud of being flamboyant with words find herself failing to come up with the right words at the right time.

Quick update~

Ok obviously the previous blog i saved it as a draft..that's why the date was 10th when i only posted now on 18th...LOL...

Anyway next up i'm gonna upload those to facebook and more shots to dA then i'm back to assignments...been spending the whole Saturday editing pics =.="""

Finally submitted my banner ads. Took me looooooong enuff. Sigh. =.="" Now next challenge is animatics. =.="" SIGH....

Ohh and i thought of a game to play on my blog. It'll appear soon..perhaps next post. Heheh. OK ciao!!! xDD

Will keep u guys updated as much as possible...seeing how assignments had been crushing on me. Haiz.

~~Random Day~~

"The night is cool; the morning bright and sunny; the afternoon dark and stormy." Ducca, '09




That's how the weather is like these few days. This afternoon another wave of heavy rain and thunder came, only much worse. The rain was SO heavy, the wind SO strong, that i had all my room windows closed and there is this "wuu~wuu~" sound that appeared due to the wind. The cones on the road all fell; the trees(even the tall ones) swayed from left to right, and the intensity of everything is so strong that i couldnt see Spring and even G building clearly...






Anyway, today is VERY RANDOM, just like the weather.






Forced myself out of bed around 10am and got myself ready for basketball practice. While waiting for time to pass i continued reading my "Blabbermouth" comic until i got to page 88. LOL. Practice was okay, but alot were absent and in the end only 4 of us are playing. Played 2 2-on-2 match. Was out of breath and tired after each one, even though my team won. LOL. I really need to work on my stamina...


Still haven't choose teams officially for the tounament tho...hmm. Oh well. I'm looking forward to the next session already... =)


And then, of all ppl in my class, Kim was the first one to watch me play basketball. This i least expected. LOL. But it was good..shows how unpredictable life can be. You are the first, gal!! =) She was in campus to see lecturer and asked where i was. In the end i went lunch with her. Ate chicken rice from one of the new stalls in open air. Had an easygoing conversation with her before we parted ways.



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I finished reading "Blabbermouth" and went to see lecturer for my assignment. After i finished i debated whether to go alone to Spring or not, as i bumped into Jacky in the open lab(another random moment) and he has class till 7.30pm...then cun cun that time Sharon text me if wanna go Spring. However plans kinda changed cos she felt wanna eat Hartz, so in the end me, Jacky, Sharon and Kathleen went to Hartz for dinner.


It was my first time there. Ever.


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Did i mention before how much i love stuff that has anything to do with potato? Potato chips..baked potatoes..mashed potatoes....LOVE 'EM. And Hartz has GREAT whipped tomato. I love it very much...here's what we ate...


The girl's varied vegetables...

If i'm not mistaken this is Kathleen's...super healthy.... =D




..............................compared to this guy's. LOL!!!




Mine. ^^ Potatoes...rice...chicken. Yummy.








~~Let's take pics~~ ^^





SharKat. Or Katron. LOL~~




Jacky....can see he's VERY satisfied. LMAO!!!



Me~~ ^^





In Hartz, u pay rm18 for a buffet, and eat all u like(but u must finish what u ordered!)...i was SO FULL until i can't walk properly...and kinda worried i'll vomit due to overstuffing myself. But i felt better in the end while we walked around the S'wak Plaza & Waterfront perimeter. I always had a good time walking thru the city at nighttime. Made me emo abit. But dun worry, its GOOD emo. LOL. The night is cool and i took alot of pics...wanna apologise for taking pics here and there and they had to wait up for me >.<

~~~~Out on the streets~~~~~

A traditional ethnic guy who's playing the traditional ethnic instrument. =.="" What a way to say it. I do not know his ethic race...but he played nice. =D

I BET all Crystal's looking at is the tattoos on his body. >.<

Then we walked along and spotted an artist.....

Check out his drawings...



Look who's in the middle. If it wasn't the Sultan of Brunei.... x) But abit too fat la he draw x.X

Then we continued walked around and played on the streets....LOL...

Sharon, for some reason, was very high that day. >.<

.........................................'nuff said. =.="""

See no evil. Hear no evil. Speak no evil. xDDD

We even went to Hilton Hotel. Haha...


I love the lighting. xD

Then on the way back to our car...we saw THIS.

WALAO!!! Antique man!!! xDD Look at the front there. Got little horns(trumpets?) again. Look at the side there. Like got little pipes. What a menace this is!!! Too bad the shot is blurry....sigh. I suppose i cant stop myself shaking from excitement. LOL.

We ended the night on a high note. Lol. Its really cool to walk around after a meal like that. Hope we can do it again soon!!

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OH ya. I took plenty of pics on that night. I didn't upload all of them here...the rest i'm gonna upload into facebook and dA. Especially the ones i reserved for dA only. I'm very happy to have taken sum shots....check it out here soon link.

Thank u Sharon, for bringing us out that night. And thanks to Kathleen(very nice to have met her and hung out with her!) and Jacky too for the night. =)

One hurdle passed, another more to go.

4 Blue Screen of Deaths (BSoD). I am really starting to worry about my laptop liao. Happened the 4th time today when i switched it on to read my M'sian Studies slides. Told Sharon abt it...she told me to back up my things...

I should do it.

Oh and finally i got my M'sian test behind me now. Phew! The test is ok. Read the 'tips' lecturer gave...so in the end yeah i can answer mostly the questions.

And now back to stressing out over my Actionscript. My my. I have 3 days left. Must email him! xD

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Oh ya this is the first week of lessons after our mid term break. More stress...next week oredi need present idea...walao..but thankfully in afternoon Christine's class it was fun again =)) It is ALWAYS FUN in her class...i really like this Design Studio class...we were always making something...last time we made those 'positive posters'..and this week we made animal cardboard cutouts.

My bunny. I'm sorry it turned out this way...bunny herself wouldnt be satisfied with this i guess. But oh wells. I was never good at crafts in the first place.....

You can check out what the others had done at Greg's & Olivia's page...they took pics of the other works too...now i remind myself to always bring camera to Christine's class...LOL...it was always so much fun..too bad my camera phone gone x.X

And in her class always can hee hee ha ha. That day we did that alot~~~mwuahahah. No wonder i finish my animal cutout the last. =.=""

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I realised there's a strange mark on my hand. It looks like a bruise, but it's not even painful. The skin on that mark is slightly dry..but it's just that spot only tho. Hmmm....how did i get this mark?? Weird...

Ohhh today i asked my friends abt printing T-shirts. Found out Bryan's bro does T-shirt printing...cool...i wanna print this design i had in my mind for a week plus liao...last night was drawing additional designs for it...will finalise it soon before i send it to print...abit excited..cos this is first time i design shirt..nevertheless, this design and idea is born out of sian-ness....LOL~~ only wearable on thursdays xDDD

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Basketball practice later at 10.30am. So early...need to sleep soon. Going to form teams later. Hope i'm in with one of the better players out there. I wanna win~~~ xDD