RIP Ariadne!

Ariadne is the name i give to my phone, a birthday present i gave myself last year. It was a HTC Aria running on the wonderful Android OS. I had it upgraded to version 2.2 when it "left" me.

I never blogged abt it when i first got it, but rest assured i was very excited abt it that time. It also marked the most expensive single purchase i ever made(prior to that was my own PSP, also a bday present i gave myself). Looks like i really tend to spoil myself...xD

Anyway, this is the second phone i lost on my account. First one is the Nokia 5610 which is passed to me by my dad to use(making it the more guilty ass that i am), which was lost due to pure carelessness(left it in the car). I believe i wrote abt it too back then. ><

So.......................the full story goes like this.

***

I was working on Saturday(11/6) so since i'm already out on the streets i might as well go get some things done: buy tickets to visit my friend in nearby state Ipoh & visit the famous and popular shopping hotspot Midvalley Megamall(cos i never been there before) to kill the rest of the afternoon away.

So after buying the ticket to Ipoh i went to buy ticket to Midvalley (i found out earlier i had to take the KTM train to reach there from KL Sentral), first time using the KTM ticket machine(which is disastrous, it keeps rejecting my notes) which is unlike the LRT ticket machines. ANyway i got my tickets and had some doubts when slipping it into the ticket entry(again faulty-looking old machines ==) but in the end i managed to go to the platform to wait for the train, which is underground.

The platform underground is very stuffy and full of train/metal/charcoal smell. It's not too strong but u can still smell it. And only the platform's lighted, the tracks are not lighted so its slightly dark but overall well-luminated in the important places. As its my first time there, like always i whipped out my phone and started taking pictures of the place, of the tracks and hopefully a video of the train approaching the platform....

There was a bunch of Indians who kept looking at my direction....and as soon as i realise the train isn't going to come as fast & frequent like the LRT, i went and stood on the other side of the platform, away from the Indians and queuing up to board the train.

Finally after abt 10mins the train came, and before it even stopped fully people already started pushing into the train...i was jumped queue by this two women who literally barged their way thru(and giving me a nasty look while at it!)...that was only the beginning of the horror. I was very shocked at the way people seem to not care about the safety of other people and just kept pushing towards the train  doors. I started to become distracted by the hoopla surrounding me. That and all i was thinking was "Don't fall! Don't fall!" and with that i pressed my bag against me and felt it pressing my phone(which i put in my pocket to avoid pulling attention to my bag) which by that i can feel my phone's presence with me in the midst of the chaos.

After awhile i was finally right outside the train door and i can see the complete mess in that spot. People who're pushing to get into the train NEVER lets the people inside come out first. So those inside the train was fighting to get out of the train while ppl on the platform are fighting to get in. It was horrible. I knew it was bad, i just never expected it to be THIS bad.

So at the train door there's this tall foreigner who's struggling to get out. He was right in front of me to my left. He barged his way out(all the while shaking his head at the chaos) which ended up pushing the guy infront of me(who is in front of the foreigner)into my path, causing me to stumble back. and the foreigner's water bottle flew out of his bag too as a result, flying onto my direction. So basically the flying water bottle(a big one still 3/4 full of water) and the man in front are both throwing at me. And at this time the fucker behind me KEEPS pushing me in as well, and because of that, i fell.

I lost my footing and balance and i fell but luckily i stood back up on time beforei can fall to the floor and be stomped to death. All this while "I cannot fall! Don't fall!" was the only thing that is running thru my mind. So i did just that. The whole incident made me lose contact with my bag(it was flying away from me) and as a result it kinda left a huge opening to my pocket right at that precise moment. When i stood back up i was being pushed instantly inside(i was about to shout back at the ppl behind me to STOP PUSHING) & honestly all i was thinking is "get inside, get inside, find a place to stand inside!" so i entered the train through the small & instant gap left behind by the foreigner.

When i stood properly inside i felt for my phone, and it was gone. I went O.O and a dreadful feeling came up within me. My phone! Where is my phone? Ohmigod my phone! I searched my pockets again, even searching my bag, but it wasn't in any of them. I looked back to the train door entrance & look at the people standing there (also at the people outside still pushing in) and thought "one of them has it"....

But i was speechless. I didn't shout out & tell everyone i lost my phone. I didn't even ask if anyone has seen it. Cos i'm pretty much sure someone saw it. I knew right there and then i lost it when i nearly fell earlier. At that precise point either someone took it from my pocket or the phone dropped out of my pocket. If it was stolen, the thief would've been gone. He could already be out of the platform and up to the station above, away from the train. Or he could be inside the train with me but hiding himself among the sea of people crammed in the train.

If it was picked up by someone though, they should've seen it belonged to mine cos it was so obvious. They shud've returned to me. But nooo.....ppl act like nothing happened. My heart was beating so fast and i feel so awful at the realisation i had just been robbed. But i didn't do anything either....i stood rooted to the spot, arms clutching my bag tightly to prevent another lost of belonging. The train door closed and started its way to Midvalley(the first stop), and i was probably in the same confinement with the thief but i did nothing....

My mind at that time was already blank and "blue-screen". Regret, anger, sadness, dread, i feel it all at the same time. As the train stopped and people went out, i was already a mess in my head, zero-logic, blanking out. All i could think abt is i lost my phone. Stupidly at that.

Because my phone was a smartphone, naturally i had apps running on them. If the thief manage to unlock my phone and went online with it, they can have access to my online accounts like Facebook, Twitter etc etc. That is purely a strong invasion of privacy, and i'm not going to let them get that. So i quickly went in search of a cybercafe which would enable me to go online and change my account passwords but there was none to be found.

Face it, how possible is it to have a cybercafe in the middle of a high-class shopping and tourist hotspot? None. I think i spent a good hour roaming the area of Midvalley looking for a place to online. The place is huge and beautiful, plenty of shops, plenty of goods, but i am not enjoying it at all. I couldn't even smile; i was sure my expression that time was grief.

My virgin Midvalley & KTM train experience had been spoilt by this incident. I was in no mood to continue find entertainment anymre. So i decided to go back home to where my spare phone(deactivated the SIM card in my smartphone to prevent abuse of the credit by the thief, had to spend RM10 as it was my second "offence" of losing a SIM card) is, and change my passwords on my own computer. I told my friend and my mum abt it....suffice to say mum is angry and disappointed with me. Sigh.

***

So that was how my phone was taken away from me. I should've seen the warnings...wait i did see it bt not consciously...because you see, before i lost my phone, there were already warning signs given to me....i wasn't parallel with the signs so i couldn't read them at the time...but now that i think abt it, yeah the signs were there...

The day before i lost my phone, i left it at home forgot to bring out for work...as a result i was phone-less the whole day...and because of hardly using it the battery pattern was out of schedule too so i had to charge it at work the next day....and the whole time when i was charging it, i kept fidgeting at it for god knows why(i know why now ==). I keep touching my phone checking its battery, and because that day we had third-party cleaners cleaning the office i was adamant to not leave anything(esp my phone) behind in the office, so that it won't be "freely-given" to the cleaners.

In the end it was "freely taken" away from me anyway. =(

U see...the forgetting to bring the phone out. First sign. A sign that warns me the phone is safer back at home. Second sign is the constant fidgeting. It was a subconscious movement by me to keep a tight grip on my phone...

But ultimately the biggest contribution of all is the thought that attracted this thing to happen. I was subconsciously thinking NOT & NEVER to lose the phone, and this thought manifested itself, causing circumstances to arise which made me lose my phone.

Its a deep process which i can't explain in detail here...but what u think, either consciously or subconsciously, attracts things to happen to approve it. Although i never wanted to lose my phone ever, but the fear of losing it became so great it surpassed the thought that i can actually keep it for a long time, thus suppressing it, and attracted powers to make it happen instead.

So....an important advice to all of you: watch and hear your thoughts. Be careful with what you think. You have the power to attract what you want. But you are able to attract what you don't want either. So be wise!

I don't really blame anyone for this incident....but myself. I blame myself alot. It is my responsibility anyway. No excuses. I should've been more alert. I should've put my phone in my bag instead of my pocket. I shouldn't have attracted attention to my phone by taking pictures. There were so many "should have's"....

I accepted it though....i know and accept this. It's really good making peace with yourself. Yes it still makes me sad at times but i can safely say i got over it already. I accepted it is lost(though there's a tiny hope someone will come back and return it to me) and i understand the circumstances that lead to it. This can only be a lesson to learn in my life. :)

Ariadne, you will be deeply missed. Because u are my own birthday present, and because i own u with my own hard-earned money. I'm sorry i couldn't keep u for even a year and i already lost you.