Only when u need me.

U only come find me when u want something from me.

A piece of information.....a favour...

Wat else?

It used to be when u wud find me for ANYTHING....

Now u only come to me when u are bored....when u are curious abt stuff i knw which u don't...

You dont even greet me....ask how i am....stuffs...u just jumped straight to YOUR point.....

And when u got what u wanted(how can i ever say no to u?) u just leave the conversation hanging there...

Silence...

In the silence i am waiting....foolishly waiting...

If u'll ever ask me how am i doing, or what's up with me...

Perhaps u sensed it....u sensed the silence...

And then, miraculously...u asked...

"what's up?"

I would've been happy....should've been happy when u asked...

But....i can't help but feel...

U asked just for the sake of asking.

I was tempted....to tell u how i really am.

But...u didn't care from the start. Why should you care now if i tell you?

U didn't even put in heart into what u're asking...

So what if i told u?

U don't care at all.

U asked just for the sake of asking.

And to think....it took this conversation for me to confirm what i've suspected all along...

U 'hid' me didnt u? if u didn't..then u really avoided my stuff...

Until what i had posted or shared...u don't even know.

U really avoided me that much huh. U really went to such lengths to show u dun care huh.

Seriously? After what we've been through...

Am i only worth this much?

Only find me when u are bored...only for information extraction...

Even had to set certain rules when we talk....

Couldn't we talk like how we did before?

I just want us back to where we once used to be...

Before all hell broke loose.

I meant something to u then. Now i mean nothing...

Sometimes i rather u leave me alone...

Sometimes i rather u don't find me at all...

If the only thing u want from me is just information.

Closure.

So. Finally got closure.

I dunno where to go to from here now. But I've said what i needed to say. I did my part.

I dunno how i'm supposed to react. Hurt because of what u said, or jump in jubilation cos i was right.

Either way, the ball's in your court now.

Somehow.....i don't foresee us ever talking again.

"Try not being a misunderstood being."

As if it is that easy. Try.

Hell, ppl misunderstood me without even me trying to.

And the weigh of people's expectations...it just seems like i'm not allowed a space to commit mistakes. I'm not forgiven for some fault i overlook.

If i try to explain why i made certain mistakes, then people start saying how irresponsible of my actions i really am, how i whine to the world no one understood my well-intentions.

Irresponsible? How abt u saying that to urself? U combusted by ur own will attacking me on something YOU misunderstood, and when i showed u the reason and source of the misunderstanding, u just ignored everything like it never happened.

Not even a sorry. Not even an apology for ruining my night. Not even a token of appreciation for my little help. Not even anything...

And u just stood there and encouraged me to hurt myself even deeper, when i've been hurt so much by ur hurtful words and ur general lack of understanding me as a person.

FUCK U.

Uhm. Yeah.

Hi.

Long time no see.

So what's up everyone?

One year.

It had been exactly one year.

If u were to tell me one year later we would arrive at a stage like this, i would've barfed. If u had told me we'd go thru things we went through, i would've laughed at u.

But....things did happen, and who's to change what's already happened?

Anyway, i'll be celebrating this day alone. Yay.

Cheers....

Skype.

No one is skyping anymore.

I feel so....lonely. And empty.

I remember last year...Skype is where all the fun happened. We'd be online and talk crap most of the time, but we talked and discussed abt assignments too.

Cant help but think back on the days when we would skype call and discuss abt assignment...i still remember there was once this looong conversation going on...i think abt 5hrs straight before the line turned really bad and it all got cut off. But in the end we called again anyway and continued to talk.... xD

Even had a "designer's area" and shit like that...it was SO MUCH FUN. Talking to each other without seeing each other, cos didnt have class etc..plans to surprise friends are also made there...it was so cool....

Chats that lasted until late nights or early mornings. Jokes that were so funny it was hard to continue typing. Teases here and there.

----

Now...the place's just empty. No one is online there anymre. Everyone reverted back to MSN. Or left, because Skype was too much for them. Or they wanna avoid sumone. Or too many painful or regrettable memories. Or too busy etc. Or lazy.

Designer's area is no more. Ppl opted out, no one online anymre. Now whenever i signed onto skype, i don't see everyone anymore. I keep hoping sumone would pop out, but none came.

It was so empty....so lonely. Its like....a ghost town. Or....an abandoned playground. Where there was once happiness and liveliness, now all that's left are barren landscapes of death. Time is still. Not a word, not a sound, not even a whisper.

----

Ever read Order of The Phoenix and Half-Blood Prince? Harry and his friends were part of a secret group of the name "Order of Phoenix". When they were discovered, they "disbanded"......but it was later revealed sum of its faithful members had been waiting for a day when all the members get to fight together again as part of the Order.

The faithful members had been holding onto the coin that they shared, waiting for it to glow, to come to life.

I am still waiting for u guys to come back. I am still waiting for it to glow.

But sadly.....everything seems bleak now.

Week 8?? O.o

Wtf it's Week 8 already!!!

Today is the start of school again after the mid-term break.

Haha. The first thing i post when i went to school is "Mid-term break? WHAT mid-term break??"

LOL.

Cos u see, every single day of my mid-term was spent rushing assignment... T.T

But still, its quite a feat. I know i know, i always do things last minute, but hey, at least becos of this i did sum "epic" things....haha...

Not that i'm gonna say what are them here though. Keeping the epicness to myself for now...

Well assignments had been pushed to another deadline...thank goodness we had mre time to finish it..bt it also means we have to fine-tune it to really good...haiz...

Goodluck everyone. March on, soldiers! Let's fight together!!!

Ok i'm getting ahead of myself...back to mre assignments and assignments...goodness its time for Briefs 2 already!!! >.<

Mid-term break!!!

Finally its mid-term break...lols....i should say "so fast!!!" instead of "finally", since i came in so late to class (for those of u who still dunno what happened, i only went for classes beginning week3(2 subjects week 4!) @.@ that leaves me only 3 weeks to catch up and complete tasks and assignments...

Hmm...so far 2 subjects' assignments have cleared...now i'm left with the game assignment and 3D assignment....deadline extended by the ever so cool and NICE Mr. Augustus....he really is a cool guy!! And i dun mean that only cos he extended for us, but he really is cool! =)

***
Random: i only slept 1 hr today...nw i feel like fainting anytime soon into sleep ahaha....but i dun wanna sleep ler..dunno why...maybe cos dun want waste the first day of holiday by sleeping....haha...feel like want do sumting special, but dunno what ler....haizz...

Hmmm....i joined Photomedia & Design club in my campus oh....and this weekend got trip to Sematang...which i can't go cos no $$...haiz...bo pian~

But this holiday really not like holiday lo...i have to chiong assignment too~~ T.T but musnt get distracted...like that can finish faster!!! =D

***

So far loving it. Studies i mean. It haas been awesome..i find myself really starting to get sucked into the feeling of BEING  a designer...i find myself exploring more, thinking more, and even "itch" more to start designing stuff...be it a normal random sketch, a new angle for photography, or a new trailer for a makebelieve film. LOL.

Oh yeah...for video subject...we have to film a TVC(Television Commercial) with a community message...should be fun xD

Whoops that reminds me i didnt take down any notes for Technical Journal...aikz.....die... T.T

Lol too busy doing last min assignment again ~.~

I guess old habit die hard. LOL....

~~
I think that's all for now....signing off~

*23/04/2010* post

Epicness.

So last saturday my laptop died on me when i have an assignment deadline to meet just that night. I was more than horrified. I hadn't back up any of my files.

I press the "On" button again. The LED indicators flashed on briefly, and there was a sound coming out from the laptop before everything died. i tried again and again, until even the LED indicators didnt even flash on. I was beyond worried.

I tried using plug only. Its the same. The i changed to battery only. Worse. Nothing lits up. I tried both. The LED indicator actually flashed red...so i quickly switch it off.

I googled my problem and came to the nearest conclusion: my motherboard is KO'ed. Shit...i hope the problem's not big else i'd to change the whole motherboard, and rather than doing that why dun i get an entirely new laptop instead =.=""

Sigh.

***

It was not until 3 days later then i had the time to get it checked. To my amazement the girl made my laptop come alive with only the plug connected @.@ i was flabbergasted. Not to mention shocked and embarassed.

"Eh?? Why is this happening?" i said.

"I think its ur battery's problem..." she said. I told her abt the red flashing indicator.

"Yeah seems like it."

@.@

***

So my laptop's ok for the mo...i can only deduce it got short-circuited due to the rainwater i think, when i was bringing it to school that time. I hadnt been using my battery since then; i'm relying on my plug only.

Sigh. Call this epic fail or what? Lol.


*This post should've been finished edited on 07/04/2010.*

Death?

Not until last night had i given this much thought: how easy is it to die?

Last night was so intense, i'm sure i couldn't hold on anymore. I really felt i was dying....or at the very least suffer brain damage due to this intense heat....lol i even went and wiki 'Fever'...i read and thought did i just had hyperthermia instead?

Anyway, back to the topic about death. I realised last night....i could've died so easily and not one of my friends will know. Abit morbid, really, but i actually do wonder what will my friends think if they were to know i died last night and no one knew, no one cared.....

Prolly most of them will go back to living their lives like normal....my death isn't a big issue at all.

But really....in a city with no family and you can only depend on yourself, what happens when u fall sick? When u get mugged by sumone on the streets? Hell if last night i was mugged i won't be able to fight back...seeing how weak i was at that time. I couldn't even raise my umbrella properly.

What to do but suffer alone? Hardly anyone cares anyway.