Yeap, i've moved into my new room. It was such a exhausting trip tho. =/ Luckily i had my friend helping me out, if not....die!!!! But even if there's two of us doing it, we were pretty beat by the end of it....
You see, i brought a huge luggage along with me....that alone already weighs 23kg(can u believe that!), which i found out at the airport when i was checking in. Heavy ehhh!!! I can smuggle a child in it... =X
Other than that huge luggage we had to carry my mattress over. Yeap, i couldn't find a new mattress(mom has a big part in deciding whether those i saw is too expensive or not) in time for the move-in so i took my friend's mattress instead(which he bought over frm his landlord, and he apparently "forgot" the price when i asked him how much to pay him for the mattress ==).
We split my huge luggage into two, borrowing one of his luggage bags, and dragged and lifted them over. My condo was just opposite his, but it's still quite a distance, normal walking time would be about 10mins between each condo. Imagine doing that in a freakishly hot late afternoon. Really. That's how bad it was. =3=
So that was the first trip, then we went back to the shops search for nylon line to tie up the mattress for easier carrying. Since it was a Sunday alot of the shops were actually closed, but luckily after sometime we managed to find one and bought a roll, then went back to my friends condo for the mattress.
I think we spent a good 1/2hr tying up the mattress >< none of us know how to do it, so i tried to do it by visualizing how a tied mattress looks like and tried to tie like that @@ very idiotic way rite! Haha! >< It was so much work though, mattress is quite heavy and it just won't bend == after that we brought it dwnstairs and to my condo.
Alas, halfway thru, it was beginning to be a very hard task. The mattress is very slippery, and really heavier as it go on. Plus i didn't really tie it up properly cos we ran out of ropes in the end @@ so we were carrying it in a very risky(injury!) and dangerous way. We did see a taxi going pass and was flagging it down, but the driver doesn't want to bring us after seeing we're carrying a mattress. NOoooooooooooooo!!!
By the time i threw the mattress in my room it was alr 8.30pm and i hadn't had a proper meal in the whole day. I was famished, so we went to dinner(more like me alone since my friend ate earlier) We went to this clutter of stalls, and there was this uncle auctioning off crystals. LOL. First time i see something like this, but apparently its quite common among the people there.
And i didn't believe a single thing he said, depsite the really cheap prices and beautiful-lookiing crystals. Haha. It'll take alot for me to believe in the powers of some dug out earthstones. >< After that i part ways with my friend, because i hafta go and buy my fan. Despite being so tired i dun wanna spend the night fan-less.
I got back arnd 10.30pm and spent an hr assembling the damn fan. In the night heat. Already sweating like shit. Ughh i'm so noob at assembling it haha. But i feel glad cos now i did something i never did before!!! :) even tho its simple reassembling...xD
That's how my Sunday went. Now i've grown some "guns" and i cant help but smile when i look at them. LOL. I'm soo freaking vain rite!!! HAHAHAHAHHAA!!!! I like my muscles ok!! xP
Just now managed to clean my room more and got some mre groceries, and starting nxt mth, gottta watch how i spend. Alot of things here are so evil.....they tempt u to part ways with ur hard-earned money! ><
Monday, May 30, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Settling in....
Hey everyone! How's everything going?
I'm now in the capital city of Malaysia already, a huge, bustling and busy city filled with life and the complexities that comes with it. >< I've been here since Wed and only yesterday i managed to find a suitable room to rent for the few upcoming months.
It wasn't easy though, alot of the rooms advertised (i found mine online) are already taken, or too expensive for my budget, too far from the LRT stations, empty rooms with no furniture, or only available in the next mth(July). I was beginning to worry alot that i can't find a suitable room before my work starts, until i saw this current one.
It is quite ok, just that i still need to buy my own fan and mattress. Ok for now i think....since i don't have much choice *shrugs* but yeap, i'll move in tmr, then i can consider myself fully settled. xD
In between checking out rooms and some of the areas i went to alot of places these last few days, basically discovering and seeing for myself how the places looks like in (nearly) each of the LRT stations....of course, that included alot of walking ;) It was good exercise anyway, though tiring! xD
Weather here so far ok, but it can be really hot at times. Of course, the air here is worse >< everyday i can see haze around. Unavoidable, since there's so much traffic here. ><
So i guess that's it. For the current update. Haha. Hope u guys are doing fine :) do take care, i love you all!!! ^^
I'm now in the capital city of Malaysia already, a huge, bustling and busy city filled with life and the complexities that comes with it. >< I've been here since Wed and only yesterday i managed to find a suitable room to rent for the few upcoming months.
It wasn't easy though, alot of the rooms advertised (i found mine online) are already taken, or too expensive for my budget, too far from the LRT stations, empty rooms with no furniture, or only available in the next mth(July). I was beginning to worry alot that i can't find a suitable room before my work starts, until i saw this current one.
It is quite ok, just that i still need to buy my own fan and mattress. Ok for now i think....since i don't have much choice *shrugs* but yeap, i'll move in tmr, then i can consider myself fully settled. xD
In between checking out rooms and some of the areas i went to alot of places these last few days, basically discovering and seeing for myself how the places looks like in (nearly) each of the LRT stations....of course, that included alot of walking ;) It was good exercise anyway, though tiring! xD
Weather here so far ok, but it can be really hot at times. Of course, the air here is worse >< everyday i can see haze around. Unavoidable, since there's so much traffic here. ><
So i guess that's it. For the current update. Haha. Hope u guys are doing fine :) do take care, i love you all!!! ^^
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Wanted....
....for a job, that is! Yeap, that's right, i secured myself a job already! ><
It's been awhile since my last post isn't it. And my, what an angry post that was. Yeap i was depressed and it was a really bad week, nothing went well so yeah, i finally exploded.
But guess what, the week after everything turned out for the better, thankfully. Brother started talking to me, acknowledging my existence == but yeah, its always good when he lets me talk to him, even tho its not really talking mre like annoying each other in a playful way. xD and then things started to look up with my job search, and i started to really accept things which had happened and set myself to move on and dont think so much. ><
The week after that i got a call frm KL, from a post i applied online just for the heck of it...cos i'm kinda restless at home already and desperate to start earning money >< suffice to say after some consideration they asked me to attend an interview, which i did a week later and voila! I got the job!
Of course it wasnt easy...i was worried abt mum, the pay and alot of things...bt in the end we worked it out and yeah, i'm going to KL end of this mth, find accommodation, move in and start another chapter in my working life. I do hope everything will go smoothly!
---
KL, an even bigger city than the places i been too. Of course, with a bigger city comes bigger crimes and dangers. And i hafta really be alert when i'm there. As of right now there is a serial acid-splasher around, omg so dangerous == bt even so, KL is full of opportunities and chances, and i might have a better chance of finding what i want over there.
Also i can meet up with my KL friends. It's pretty exciting and i'm looking forward to it. Esp knowing some of my coursemates gonna move over in the future for their careers. Looks like our paths are gonna be crossed again!
Look forward to the next day with positivity! U won't be down in the doldrums forever. Next thing u know, u're lifted up again, by whatever mysterious ways the universe works. So even tho everything might seem so depressing, in the end the light will always shine through the dark clouds.
=)
It's been awhile since my last post isn't it. And my, what an angry post that was. Yeap i was depressed and it was a really bad week, nothing went well so yeah, i finally exploded.
But guess what, the week after everything turned out for the better, thankfully. Brother started talking to me, acknowledging my existence == but yeah, its always good when he lets me talk to him, even tho its not really talking mre like annoying each other in a playful way. xD and then things started to look up with my job search, and i started to really accept things which had happened and set myself to move on and dont think so much. ><
The week after that i got a call frm KL, from a post i applied online just for the heck of it...cos i'm kinda restless at home already and desperate to start earning money >< suffice to say after some consideration they asked me to attend an interview, which i did a week later and voila! I got the job!
Of course it wasnt easy...i was worried abt mum, the pay and alot of things...bt in the end we worked it out and yeah, i'm going to KL end of this mth, find accommodation, move in and start another chapter in my working life. I do hope everything will go smoothly!
---
KL, an even bigger city than the places i been too. Of course, with a bigger city comes bigger crimes and dangers. And i hafta really be alert when i'm there. As of right now there is a serial acid-splasher around, omg so dangerous == bt even so, KL is full of opportunities and chances, and i might have a better chance of finding what i want over there.
Also i can meet up with my KL friends. It's pretty exciting and i'm looking forward to it. Esp knowing some of my coursemates gonna move over in the future for their careers. Looks like our paths are gonna be crossed again!
Look forward to the next day with positivity! U won't be down in the doldrums forever. Next thing u know, u're lifted up again, by whatever mysterious ways the universe works. So even tho everything might seem so depressing, in the end the light will always shine through the dark clouds.
=)
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Slump.
I'm at the lowest low of my life, ever.
The past week itself is evidence of that. So many problems came up, and so many old memories came up, i just felt worse and worse. I even feel disgusted at myself, for letting my old memories catch up with me, reminding me again of everything i shud've forgotten a long time ago.
How.....weak.........
Perhaps it is due to arrogance, or lack of experience, i used to think i am very strong, well, physically at least. And i really was; i was playing high-level sports regularly, i was fit, my stamina was good. I was generally stronger than most girls, and i think, it really shows....and ppl began to wonder abt me...ppl began to think of me as "that strong girl"...
And then setbacks after setbacks began....my life was thrown upside down. Well more like sideways violently. But i experienced alot of things....good and bad. It changed me so much, i can't even recognise myself now, honestly.
Psychological traumas....due to family, due to friends. I totally lost trust in people....i can only trust myself. I used to think, and sometimes i still do think, "i was ruined....perhaps forever."
Add someone who literally break my heart into pieces and then left me to fend on my own.....along the way throwing insults at me and ignoring me. WHyy??? Do u honestly i'm that strong till i can withstand all that psychological torture? I don't even have one single friend to help me get through this thing, and u had ur best friend. I don't have any best friends. I don't have anyone. I never knew i was that weak until it happened. I've seen it in movies and laughed at how silly it looks, but i never guessed it will affect me so deeply too. Hell, even those in the movies have friends who help them through....and i'm all on my on. Hah. Perhaps, even i overestimated myself, just like everyone else....
I was ruined all right. I'm not even sure now where the rest of the pieces of me went.
Now i'm jobless. School-less. Not earning money, basically just sit at home applying for jobs and waiting for news. What's worse, the internet is so helpless here it annoys the fuck out of me. How am i supposed to look for jobs online now that the internet broke? Not only that, i can't even talk to my friends. I couldnt even see what they are up to. Are they well? Surviving in school? Healthy? I can't see anything. And whenever i came online to talk to them i was always nagged to go to slp earlier. OMG!!!! Give me some time to spend with my friends, why can't my parents understand???? How often do i see them huhhhh????
No friends to talk to, fine. U wud've think at least i've my family to talk to. But NO. Never. Everyone has their own problems already. My brother doesn't like me. Dad never talks to me as much as he did to his workers or clients. Mum...she tries to talk, but sometimes we can't because she can't understand my view, and there's that generation gap thing regarding miscommunication.
I'm so alone even when i'm at home...........so so alone!!! Ok wait alone's not the word....LONELY is the word. Sometimes i wonder why i even came back....i knew back there, i had no more reasons to stay, so i left.....but here, now, i still don't know my purpose here much either.
So now i just spend my days watching films, comics, anime on my laptop. Sometimes i watch tv. Other times i play games. I basically did nothing resourceful. Instead i'm adding burden to the household. Dad doesn't say it, and mum avoids it if she can, but i know they feel it.
I'm desperate too u know?? But finding a job isn't easy, especially in my wanted field. I really don't want another admin work, another sales work, and don't even ask me abt accounts. But what choices have i left? I don't have much skill and experience in my wanted field too. WHat can i show to ppl i produced good work? I don't even like my works in uni, they look so.....fresh.
Photography? I'm suffering from artblock too. I just lost the zest....and i hardly get any inspiration anymore. Arghhhhh I'm not even sure what i wanted anymore. I don't even have my own camera, i cant realise those ideas and concepts i have in my mind. Don't even talk abt it with Dad, he's never buying me one. And i really don't want to use mum's $$$, so i hafta buy it on my own. Of course, i don't have the money yet.
I also wanted a new laptop(my current one doesn't even have a graphic card installed, how the fuck am i supposed to do videos, effects, flash vids etc etc?) and a camcorder(for filming...my first love before photography...)....add that to a DSLR and it would amt up to nearly a semester's fees. Where am i supposed to find so much money?
And i'm still owing the university money. 20k for fuck's sake. I dunno when i can pay it off unless i hit the lottery. And i dont even like gambling, so where's the chance in that? Tell you, i hate owing ppl things, esp money....hate it so much. And yet here i am.....put myself in debts just so i could learn abt multimedia.
Being a couch potato had started to show its effects....just the other day i sprinted for a few secs and i was already panting hard....i lost all my stamina....i gained weight from excessive choc eating, i don't even play sports regularly anymore. When i was working all those walking to work helped maintained my weight and finesse somehow, but now.....i feel terrible. For the first time in years....i feel weak and tired physically.
I don't think i'm healthy even....just that other day, i came down with cramps that hurt soooooo much i even gave cold sweat. I sweated so much i was wet all over. I felt close to vomiting, my head hurts, i can barely stand, my legs felt so weak. I thought i was dying.....i've never experienced such pain before. It's the worst ever. I don't even know what is wrong with me...
At the rate i'm going, either i'm going to die of cancer or kidney failure. Cancer because i keep so many things to myself, something's bound to grow. Kidney failure is cos i hardly drink water, and i eat salt like its rice. I know i shudn't be cursing myself.....i don't want those disease too. But...i just felt it, logically.
A friend recently casually asked me... "how's life? friends? work? school?" I answered her.... "no life, no friends, no work, no school.." she was so surprised. She didn't even know i left Kuching, bless her. I can't blame her, she's so far away and she hardly goes facebook. And i don't know if ppl over here talked to her since she left. Poor thing, really. But at that time, i felt i'm so much poorer....
Really. No life, no friends, no work, no school. I'm amazed i could still say it out. I'm so pathetic...i feel so, so lost. I failed in everything.....
If this is not the lowest point of my life, i dunno what is. The worst thing that can happen to u is.....u have sooo much conflicts within u, and absolutely no one to talk abt it with. It's enough to drive a person suicidal or maniacal. Honestly, i don't even know why am i still sane now....i do know that i'm extremely unhappy now. Downright depressed. Sometimes i laugh at the silliest things or joke abt the lamest things just to force myself to laugh......ppl thinks i'm crazy and lame....when really, i'm just trying to forget the sadness i have within myself....even for just one second.
I miss my friends in kch alot...now i cant even text someone just to bug or talk abt things, we're so far away. When i'm down and i feel like singing my heart out, there's no one to sing with me....when i wanna drown myself in sorrow, there's no one to drink with me....i can't even hear their laughter, can't see their smiles anymore....now even going online is such a huge mountain to climb sigh.
My friends are the ppl who unknowingly(to them) distracted me frm my demons....frm betraying myself and jumping back into my pool of old memories....i still remember how i nearly "jumped off the edge" and had a hand dramatically drag me back up from death...that hand doesn't know she did that, even until now. I was saved once...and now....if not for a few certain friends, i might've been long gone again.....
This slump.....i hate it. And it'd driving me closer and closer to being antisocial...i'm mre and mre afraid of dealing with ppl....some things happened recently...it just drained all my energy. I feel an increasing desire to avoid everyone, to run away from everyone and just be with myself. Who am i kidding, really, when it only makes me more lonely.....i dunno, i just dont feel like dealing with ppl at times...and as time goes by, less and less ppl gets chosen by me to communicate with....i'm already beginning to shun certain ppl away....
God....what's wrong with me.....i hope i'm not already crazy. At times i find myself pacing restlessly around the room, thinking abt nothing, or everything. WHy am i pacing endlessly around? I don't understand. I can't even trust my thoughts completely now, for fear they wander into unwanted or restricted areas.
Seriously, to hell with all of these.......why u all bugging me now? I didn't expect such a slump coming back here...i thought i could begin to work and earn money and live on my own but with family nearer now, bt nothing went to plans. Nothing ever follows the plans really. How ironic. Now? I have money problems, friend problems, family problems, relationship problems, work problems, school problems, health problems and god knows what problems next.
Sigh........................................................................................ a friend, bless him, reminds me to smile time to time....but now, i can't find anything to smile abt anymore. =(((((
The past week itself is evidence of that. So many problems came up, and so many old memories came up, i just felt worse and worse. I even feel disgusted at myself, for letting my old memories catch up with me, reminding me again of everything i shud've forgotten a long time ago.
How.....weak.........
Perhaps it is due to arrogance, or lack of experience, i used to think i am very strong, well, physically at least. And i really was; i was playing high-level sports regularly, i was fit, my stamina was good. I was generally stronger than most girls, and i think, it really shows....and ppl began to wonder abt me...ppl began to think of me as "that strong girl"...
And then setbacks after setbacks began....my life was thrown upside down. Well more like sideways violently. But i experienced alot of things....good and bad. It changed me so much, i can't even recognise myself now, honestly.
Psychological traumas....due to family, due to friends. I totally lost trust in people....i can only trust myself. I used to think, and sometimes i still do think, "i was ruined....perhaps forever."
Add someone who literally break my heart into pieces and then left me to fend on my own.....along the way throwing insults at me and ignoring me. WHyy??? Do u honestly i'm that strong till i can withstand all that psychological torture? I don't even have one single friend to help me get through this thing, and u had ur best friend. I don't have any best friends. I don't have anyone. I never knew i was that weak until it happened. I've seen it in movies and laughed at how silly it looks, but i never guessed it will affect me so deeply too. Hell, even those in the movies have friends who help them through....and i'm all on my on. Hah. Perhaps, even i overestimated myself, just like everyone else....
I was ruined all right. I'm not even sure now where the rest of the pieces of me went.
Now i'm jobless. School-less. Not earning money, basically just sit at home applying for jobs and waiting for news. What's worse, the internet is so helpless here it annoys the fuck out of me. How am i supposed to look for jobs online now that the internet broke? Not only that, i can't even talk to my friends. I couldnt even see what they are up to. Are they well? Surviving in school? Healthy? I can't see anything. And whenever i came online to talk to them i was always nagged to go to slp earlier. OMG!!!! Give me some time to spend with my friends, why can't my parents understand???? How often do i see them huhhhh????
No friends to talk to, fine. U wud've think at least i've my family to talk to. But NO. Never. Everyone has their own problems already. My brother doesn't like me. Dad never talks to me as much as he did to his workers or clients. Mum...she tries to talk, but sometimes we can't because she can't understand my view, and there's that generation gap thing regarding miscommunication.
I'm so alone even when i'm at home...........so so alone!!! Ok wait alone's not the word....LONELY is the word. Sometimes i wonder why i even came back....i knew back there, i had no more reasons to stay, so i left.....but here, now, i still don't know my purpose here much either.
So now i just spend my days watching films, comics, anime on my laptop. Sometimes i watch tv. Other times i play games. I basically did nothing resourceful. Instead i'm adding burden to the household. Dad doesn't say it, and mum avoids it if she can, but i know they feel it.
I'm desperate too u know?? But finding a job isn't easy, especially in my wanted field. I really don't want another admin work, another sales work, and don't even ask me abt accounts. But what choices have i left? I don't have much skill and experience in my wanted field too. WHat can i show to ppl i produced good work? I don't even like my works in uni, they look so.....fresh.
Photography? I'm suffering from artblock too. I just lost the zest....and i hardly get any inspiration anymore. Arghhhhh I'm not even sure what i wanted anymore. I don't even have my own camera, i cant realise those ideas and concepts i have in my mind. Don't even talk abt it with Dad, he's never buying me one. And i really don't want to use mum's $$$, so i hafta buy it on my own. Of course, i don't have the money yet.
I also wanted a new laptop(my current one doesn't even have a graphic card installed, how the fuck am i supposed to do videos, effects, flash vids etc etc?) and a camcorder(for filming...my first love before photography...)....add that to a DSLR and it would amt up to nearly a semester's fees. Where am i supposed to find so much money?
And i'm still owing the university money. 20k for fuck's sake. I dunno when i can pay it off unless i hit the lottery. And i dont even like gambling, so where's the chance in that? Tell you, i hate owing ppl things, esp money....hate it so much. And yet here i am.....put myself in debts just so i could learn abt multimedia.
Being a couch potato had started to show its effects....just the other day i sprinted for a few secs and i was already panting hard....i lost all my stamina....i gained weight from excessive choc eating, i don't even play sports regularly anymore. When i was working all those walking to work helped maintained my weight and finesse somehow, but now.....i feel terrible. For the first time in years....i feel weak and tired physically.
I don't think i'm healthy even....just that other day, i came down with cramps that hurt soooooo much i even gave cold sweat. I sweated so much i was wet all over. I felt close to vomiting, my head hurts, i can barely stand, my legs felt so weak. I thought i was dying.....i've never experienced such pain before. It's the worst ever. I don't even know what is wrong with me...
At the rate i'm going, either i'm going to die of cancer or kidney failure. Cancer because i keep so many things to myself, something's bound to grow. Kidney failure is cos i hardly drink water, and i eat salt like its rice. I know i shudn't be cursing myself.....i don't want those disease too. But...i just felt it, logically.
A friend recently casually asked me... "how's life? friends? work? school?" I answered her.... "no life, no friends, no work, no school.." she was so surprised. She didn't even know i left Kuching, bless her. I can't blame her, she's so far away and she hardly goes facebook. And i don't know if ppl over here talked to her since she left. Poor thing, really. But at that time, i felt i'm so much poorer....
Really. No life, no friends, no work, no school. I'm amazed i could still say it out. I'm so pathetic...i feel so, so lost. I failed in everything.....
If this is not the lowest point of my life, i dunno what is. The worst thing that can happen to u is.....u have sooo much conflicts within u, and absolutely no one to talk abt it with. It's enough to drive a person suicidal or maniacal. Honestly, i don't even know why am i still sane now....i do know that i'm extremely unhappy now. Downright depressed. Sometimes i laugh at the silliest things or joke abt the lamest things just to force myself to laugh......ppl thinks i'm crazy and lame....when really, i'm just trying to forget the sadness i have within myself....even for just one second.
I miss my friends in kch alot...now i cant even text someone just to bug or talk abt things, we're so far away. When i'm down and i feel like singing my heart out, there's no one to sing with me....when i wanna drown myself in sorrow, there's no one to drink with me....i can't even hear their laughter, can't see their smiles anymore....now even going online is such a huge mountain to climb sigh.
My friends are the ppl who unknowingly(to them) distracted me frm my demons....frm betraying myself and jumping back into my pool of old memories....i still remember how i nearly "jumped off the edge" and had a hand dramatically drag me back up from death...that hand doesn't know she did that, even until now. I was saved once...and now....if not for a few certain friends, i might've been long gone again.....
This slump.....i hate it. And it'd driving me closer and closer to being antisocial...i'm mre and mre afraid of dealing with ppl....some things happened recently...it just drained all my energy. I feel an increasing desire to avoid everyone, to run away from everyone and just be with myself. Who am i kidding, really, when it only makes me more lonely.....i dunno, i just dont feel like dealing with ppl at times...and as time goes by, less and less ppl gets chosen by me to communicate with....i'm already beginning to shun certain ppl away....
God....what's wrong with me.....i hope i'm not already crazy. At times i find myself pacing restlessly around the room, thinking abt nothing, or everything. WHy am i pacing endlessly around? I don't understand. I can't even trust my thoughts completely now, for fear they wander into unwanted or restricted areas.
Seriously, to hell with all of these.......why u all bugging me now? I didn't expect such a slump coming back here...i thought i could begin to work and earn money and live on my own but with family nearer now, bt nothing went to plans. Nothing ever follows the plans really. How ironic. Now? I have money problems, friend problems, family problems, relationship problems, work problems, school problems, health problems and god knows what problems next.
Sigh........................................................................................ a friend, bless him, reminds me to smile time to time....but now, i can't find anything to smile abt anymore. =(((((
Thursday, March 31, 2011
The irony....
Been looking for jobs for nearly 2weeks now....newspapers not much, so i even tried Jobstreet too.
And its so ironic that, i left Kuching to find jobs in Miri, but all the available vacancies are posts in Kuching. Zomggg GG!!!!
Well those are from the internet and through Jobstreet....i got a couple which is in KL too, and i'm also giving those a shot.
The problem is, alot of vacancies doesnt suit me nor is it of any of my interests....there are countless admin, accounts, engineeers, quantity surveyor, sales assistant, sales supervisor jobs available....mostly in Kuching, but in Miri too.....where's the vacancy for anything media-related? Not even an opening at the local newspaper agencies.....sighhhh.
Most of the jobs that are media-related though, are posts in KL...i get it...most of the major companies are there, the field is there, the market is there.....but even small places still got this kind of job gua???
Sigh no matter what, i'm not giving up yet. Be it KL or Miri, i'm gonna try whenever possible. As for Kuching....sigh sadly, i don't think i wanna go back to the place in such a short time. Perhaps after a couple of years maybe? Lol...
Wish me luck ppl!!! Job-hunting still going on!!! But still living like a pig at home... xDDD
And its so ironic that, i left Kuching to find jobs in Miri, but all the available vacancies are posts in Kuching. Zomggg GG!!!!
Well those are from the internet and through Jobstreet....i got a couple which is in KL too, and i'm also giving those a shot.
The problem is, alot of vacancies doesnt suit me nor is it of any of my interests....there are countless admin, accounts, engineeers, quantity surveyor, sales assistant, sales supervisor jobs available....mostly in Kuching, but in Miri too.....where's the vacancy for anything media-related? Not even an opening at the local newspaper agencies.....sighhhh.
Most of the jobs that are media-related though, are posts in KL...i get it...most of the major companies are there, the field is there, the market is there.....but even small places still got this kind of job gua???
Sigh no matter what, i'm not giving up yet. Be it KL or Miri, i'm gonna try whenever possible. As for Kuching....sigh sadly, i don't think i wanna go back to the place in such a short time. Perhaps after a couple of years maybe? Lol...
Wish me luck ppl!!! Job-hunting still going on!!! But still living like a pig at home... xDDD
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Why~
Why spend time on someone who doesn't have time for you?
I keep asking myself that question.....i know better, and yet, i keep going back....
Even when i hinted so strongly in the mail, which "will be replied some other time"......
U know, since sometime ago, "some other time" or "talk to you later", already means "i'm not going to get any reply"....
So why am i still waiting?
Of course. I know why. But its so hard. I am trying tho.
Even when u keep saying we're still friends. If we are, do something about it.....i can't go on sailing this ship alone. It takes effort from both sides to hold up a friendship....
What am i to u? Looks like i'll prolly never get the answer.....and from the speed at how ur defenses went up, looks like its still bothering u....
I really wish, that i didn't leave taints.....but then, u've already seen it as a taint.
Worse, u regret it.
Too bad then. I've had enough too.
And i'm going to keep telling myself, I don't care anymore. I don't want to care anymore. There's no point in caring anymore.
I'm trying. Hard.
Someone tell me how to do it better. I must do it somehow.....
And somehow, i'll be gone before u realise it.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
That's it!
Only i myself know the pain inside....
Just try hard to cover it. Just....let it go. Try, again and again.
Remember, u want her to be happy. And she is, so that's it.
Just try hard to cover it. Just....let it go. Try, again and again.
Remember, u want her to be happy. And she is, so that's it.
Messssssyyyyyy
I'm shaking. Literally shaking. Not from the cold, but from the bomb i was just dropped. totally never expected that....it's unbelievable. I.....I readies myself for all sorts of possibilities, and i believed i am ready for it, but when it came....omg. What a big surprise.
My mind is blank. I can't think of anything. Not even a solution. Usually these sort of problems, i can find the flaw and solution easily. But now.....my brain is just fried up. I'm still shaking as i type this. My arms, my hands. Omg. How do i help now, when i myself is falling into pieces?
This is sooooooooo messed up.
My mind is blank. I can't think of anything. Not even a solution. Usually these sort of problems, i can find the flaw and solution easily. But now.....my brain is just fried up. I'm still shaking as i type this. My arms, my hands. Omg. How do i help now, when i myself is falling into pieces?
This is sooooooooo messed up.
Friday, March 18, 2011
It's over!
I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over youI'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over youI'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over youI'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over youI'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you I'm over you!!!!!
I AM FUCKING OVER YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just need to tell myself that. Over and over and over again. And then it's true. Right?
I AM FUCKING OVER YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just need to tell myself that. Over and over and over again. And then it's true. Right?
Fight
I hate it, actually.
***
I hate how everytime we talk, we get into this big fight. This war of words that turns so ugly at times.
And it always ends up leaving either one of us scarred for the moment.
Funny, how we attack each other. We seem to know just which Achilles heel to charge into. Our blades filled with the most lethal of poison, our punches driven with all our energy and might.
And in the end, we just end up hurt, and exhausted. And one way or another, we give in, and apologised to the other for the things we said.
Sometimes its not "giving in", sometimes its cos.....we're both right. And we're both wrong at the same time.
Whichever it is, oddly, its the only thing we have that comes close to the word "communication".
Its like, the ONLY thing that's connecting us now. It's like.....we're MEANT to fight time and again with each other. To be frustrated by each other once awhile.
I hate this, actually. I hate it. I hate how things are like this now, and honestly i still miss the old us, before everything turned bad.
I hate this. And its eating me up slowly.....
***
I hate how everytime we talk, we get into this big fight. This war of words that turns so ugly at times.
And it always ends up leaving either one of us scarred for the moment.
Funny, how we attack each other. We seem to know just which Achilles heel to charge into. Our blades filled with the most lethal of poison, our punches driven with all our energy and might.
And in the end, we just end up hurt, and exhausted. And one way or another, we give in, and apologised to the other for the things we said.
Sometimes its not "giving in", sometimes its cos.....we're both right. And we're both wrong at the same time.
Whichever it is, oddly, its the only thing we have that comes close to the word "communication".
Its like, the ONLY thing that's connecting us now. It's like.....we're MEANT to fight time and again with each other. To be frustrated by each other once awhile.
I hate this, actually. I hate it. I hate how things are like this now, and honestly i still miss the old us, before everything turned bad.
I hate this. And its eating me up slowly.....
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