I dunno wat to feel. How to feel. I was sore. Disappointed with my friends. I was very down, and selfishly, i was blaming them. I know i shouldn't feel this way; my brain was telling me the right thing to do, but i couldn't do it. I just...couldn't. I knew better, but i couldn't help it.
See, this is over a small matter. Yea, this is going to be huge rant on a small stuff. Hahah. How immature. One would have though i'm waaaayy past that. I thought i had matured. I was not.
I dunno wat's with some people. Right, they are busy, so they need to better manage and schedule their time, so they cant hang out much anymore. Yes, i understand that. What i dont understand is that, why are u doing it the wrong way, in the reverse direction instead of forward? U told me u are too busy for supper, that u cant hang out long for conversations, that u went for dinner instead, but, why can u hang out long time for dinner? Its just a matter of time, isn't it? Supper comes later. That's all. Its the same thing. U still talk and 'waste time'. Why not instead do it during supper, where more of us are around?
Sigh. And yesterday they went out...without even telling me. I was ver disappointed, sad. Why didn't they tell me? And i thought they only go out for awhile. Instead they went out till nightime, and i had to read from Facebook that one of them had the time of his life, and that he managed to buy the stuff he wants. I was so sad. When i texted them abt supper, they already took dinner and wasnt back yet. Imagine my surprise. Cos, i thought we were all gonna go out today later to shop, but instead, they had went first without me and got what they wanted. I was terribly, terribly, left out.
I was angry at them. My mood turned down, i do not feel like i want to face anyone. At all. I dont want to see them. I was angry. Jealous abit, yeah. Jealousy is a scary thing. I do not like it. But there was a tiny pang of jealousy within me that time. Sigh. Well, let them be. watever they wanna do. Just let them.
Today, i tried to reason and analyse(which i'm always doing, anyway). Why hadn;t they tell me anything? Well, i told myself, it could be these: 1) i was going for an excursion for my class and i had a chance to get out to town. Maybe they feel like going out too, since i was already out. 2) They knew i probably wont join them anyway(i had stated earlier i wanna play sports that night), so they didn't even bother to ask. 3) The urge of shopping is too strong to ignore. Other than these 3, i cant think of any anymore.
My answer to that? 1) plain stupid. 2) wth? did u even TRY to ask me? who knows, i just might say yes! and not even tellin me a single thing. that is just disrespectful. Or maybe i was being a busybody and thinking too much. 3) this...i can accept.
What annoyed me more was that while they were shopping, i sustained minor injuries, and i experienced aomething fun earlier, but cant talk to them abt it. Well, i'll tell the world abt it instead. Haha. That's why i'm here...
Yesterday. Everything was goin fine until late afternoon. Since late afternoon i felt like shit. That was when the 'incident' happened. Had the best time in afternoon, only to feel like shit from evening till night. Damn. I was tired, physically and emotionally. And no one asked abt me. At all. A 'how are u?' or 'wat are u doing?'...was visibly absent. Until the late hours in the night when there came a text message to me explaining a low battery whole day as a reason for not replying my text messages, ending with 'How are u?' TOO LATE. ITS TOO LATE. Too late to ask me. Even tho its still nice for him to ask, but it's too late. And to think, he's the only one who ask that. My my. I'm extremely disappointed in all of them. Or was i expecting too much?
My emo side is getting at me again. Whenever something like this happens, i would dwell on my emo-ness for a long time, and basically being a piece of emo crap. Sigh. I dunno wat to do now, except avoiding them if possible. I cant face them yet. Face them with my normal attitude. If i saw them, i know i'll be unjust to them by treating them cold, and the worst thing is they dunno what their actions had did to me!!! And i do not liek it when ppl was wrong and didn;t knew it; then they get all confused why my attitude changed or sumting. Sigh. People. And relationships. And my own silly principles. Sigh. How do i get mad? How do i stop being mad? I do not know. Maybe time will wash away everything.
Sometimes, i would think, 'What if one day i fainted on the road, or gotten myself into an accident, and no one knew, because they were having too much fun? What if they only knew when it was too late?'
TOO LATE. Sad words that feels worse with regret.
*end*
p/s i will post more emo thoughts again from yesterday. Meanwhile i will also post two things that happened to me which i thought was AWESOME! which happened in this week alone. Dont miss out(if i still have any readers left, that is)!!
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