Time has changed. Things have changed.

If u read my last post, u'll know that i am trying to put up effort to make up to the bunch of frens...not really making up, but u know, just to change things back to how they were last time before.

And. In the end i was hurt more. And more. And wat's worst, i dun tink there's any turning back now...

See, all the times i have been avoiding them...they had had so much fun without me. They met new frens thru anothers social circle. They hung out with each other more. They enjoyed themselves in facebook more. they are doing alot of stuff, going thru alot, and i missed all of that.

Well, that wasn't the main problem. I can do with not catching up. But the thing is....things are different already. No turning back.

They had gone so far without me. did so much without me. experienced alot without me. i'm cool with dat. i mean, wat do u expect, u were urself slaving away at ur assignments and not contacting them!!! but...i was too late. they were too far gone ahead. Up until the point where i am now an 'extra'.

Yep. Dat's right. They had moved on without me. I was no longer important in their circle. Ouch. That hurts. I'm having this silly ache in my heart now. Damn. Gotta continue. Well. Last time, it used to be like this: whenever there's lunch, suppa, tea or some hanging out together stuff, tehy will call me or text me abt it. askign if i wanna join. Now? No more. Even when i tot we were all past the last incident. Its still the same. Clearly they had moved on and got annoyed by me. They dun call me to eat or hang out anymore. And the funny thing is i always caught them hanging out. or havin dinner together. once i saw one of them waiting downstairs to go out. he saw me i think, and when i turned back to see him, he's gone. avoidin me perhaps? i dunno. then i caught another goin out. so they must be goin out together. another time i saw them came back from outside together once.

i'd like to think i dun care. but a small part of me does. why they dont call me?? why have to be so secretive abt it? why?? and another thing. whenever i hang out with them since the last incident, i always feel so left out of watever they were talking abt. they had gone thru so much, i cant even keep up anymore. so most of the time i was silent. and strangely, they continued talking as if i'm not there. no one asked how's my day. how's my assignments doin. am i ok. nope. nothing.

i feel left out. and that hurts. cos. they are the only friends i have in here. if i lose them, i have nothing else. if i am who i am 3 years ago, i will be very afraid. but the me now...i cant do anything abt it. i had to let them go. if i lost them, so be it. i cant force. forcing does no good. they are different. with me, or without me, it doesn't feel like a big difference. i slowly faded out from them.

thre's this fren of mine...who once were quite absent in our hang out last time. and all the time my fren was always askign abt her and stuff. care so much abt her. at last she was back in our group and everyone is happy.

i wonder if i'm the same tho. i tink mine is totally different. i was away for so long, yet noboddy misses me. when i was back, no one asked me wat i've been up to. so different.

does my presence not matter so much!! wat role do i play in the group? i dunno. seriously dunno. rght now i tink i can walk out on their lives and they wont even care. i dun tink they ever cared.

they saw me emo, then shun away from me. i told them why i'm disappointed with them, sure they think i'm childish and possessive. they saw i dun act normal...they dun dare to ask me wat happen. they ask among themselves. WTH. they dunno how to deal with me when i'm like this. they dunno anything abt me at all. they cant even differentiate me when i'm seriously angry or not. even when i'm joking and playfully teasing them that i'm angry, they turn all serious and apologise to me. wat the heck. if u cant even differentiate whether i'm serious or not then....u;re really disappointing as a fren. going by the times we all hang out together. utter disappointment.

I'm not like them. I have no one. They have their relatives here. they have their old classmates here. they have boyfrens or galfrens here. they have tons of frens among themselves. me? no one. i had no one to turn to. i had to suffer all of it by myself.

recently i'm always seen alone by ppl i know. and i'm getting more and more of this question: "Why are u alone? Where are ur frens?". i wanna say they left me. but no. i gave up some shit like 'oh, they're busy.' or 'i cannot be alone issit?'. anything but the truth. i even went and declare i've always been a loner. which is true.

if frens give up on u so fast, they are not worth it at all. they say they care, but they're not around when i need them. ppl find my flaws as time goes on, and then abandons me because of it. Nevermind. I've been thru this before. One more wont hurt. Its just another slash at the heart only. No big deal. The wound will close up. All that remains are jsut ugly scars anyway.

Now i dun hang out with them anymore. i dun call them up. i'm walking away....leaving all u to be free among u.........while i continue on my path as a lone ranger. you all continue on. thanks for walking with me on my journey so far ever since coming to campus. Now i shall bid goodbye as u all walked the other path to another journey. Goodbye gang. Hope u all find ur own happines amongst each other.