I'm so freaking pumped up.
"AAhhh!!! 8.20am already!!!!" I thought angrily as i saw the time on my phone.
Damn....what's wrong with me?? WHy these days i easily fall asleep when i dont really need it? I need to finish assignment for god's sake. I even dozed off in the middle of 2am to wake up nearly 5am later..to say goodbye to my chat frens and go to sleep. Set the alarm to wake me up 1 hr later but no!!!! I had to leave the phone in silent mode and so no alarm rang.
Shit phone. I forgot its not like my old ones. Or any of the newer phones that rings even tho its in silent mode.
I'm being very angry at myself. Tomorrow is presentation day!!!! I had intended to not sleep for the whole of wednesday and thursday!!! Eeekk!!! I'm so pumped up. By adrenaline, by my anger. I dont care. I WILL finish the whole crap by tomorrow!!!!
To do that:
1. No sleep. Definitely!! I shall stay awake, like last week.
2. No internet. Ahh. Except to check mail. And perhaps Skype.
3. No going out to eat. Just tapau burger la!
Time is running. I've got exactly 24hours left till presentation time. In this 24 hr, i shall have to:
1. Finish those effing music frames.
2. Draw 12 frames for exercise 3.
3. Draw one for exercise 4.
4. Three more for exercise 2.
May the Force be with me.......................................................
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Short lapse of concentration.....
Pffft. Wat the heck. I cant seem to concentrate on assignment. Damn. And i kept falling asleep halfway, and that doesn't help AT ALL. Why am i sleeping so randomly these dayss......man...once all this is over, i must go back to my old sleep cycle.....
Ahh. Writing this just so i wont fall asleep. Hehehhe. Hmm. I have gone 2 days without facebook now. Hahaha. I dun tink anyone played much as well, since everyone busy with exam. Oh wells, good luck everyone for the exams~~~
Speaking of exams, i realised i still dunno the dates for my Moral and BK A final exam. =SSS Ahh...i'm that ignorant. Haahah. SHould be 24th onwards tho. Hehe. Oh, and i thought i will be free after this friday. Then suddenly 20th century got major assignment again that will keep me up till 24th exactly. Man!! I have no rest at all until the exam finishes, it seems............
Ahh. Wat else for this mini update. Glad that i updated my blog. I've started to really enjoy writing again. Heck, maybe cos i had no one to talk to, and i figure i'd say it out in the blog. Hehehehe.
I got myself undestanding more of blogspots stuff. Like 'following'...and how notifications of new comment be sent to my email. I know i know....i'm THAT noob. =//// Next up: learning how to post pics up..... X))
Oh. Today is second day without my dear 5610. I only used it for roughly 3 mths, i just realised. Even tho it was bought earlier. =(((( I miss it very much. But my new phone...i still treasure it given its 'shortcomings', because, well, i treasure stuff i own. And that it is really officially the first phone i bought for myself. I dunno, i am starting to feel something towards this new phone already. Affection, perhaps? LOL!!!!
Ahh....i guess i should go back to my assignments nw. Due date this friday...i must really speed up. Time is running out and i still have those damn exercises!!! >.< No more proper sleep....or i should rephrase....more improper sleeping times now........
P/S Cant wait for the new Transformers. Today i watched a small new clip from the movie. Megan Fox and a robot.....not a big fan of Transformers, so i dunno wat that Decepticon is called....heheheh....cant wait cant wait!!! xDDD
Ahh. Writing this just so i wont fall asleep. Hehehhe. Hmm. I have gone 2 days without facebook now. Hahaha. I dun tink anyone played much as well, since everyone busy with exam. Oh wells, good luck everyone for the exams~~~
Speaking of exams, i realised i still dunno the dates for my Moral and BK A final exam. =SSS Ahh...i'm that ignorant. Haahah. SHould be 24th onwards tho. Hehe. Oh, and i thought i will be free after this friday. Then suddenly 20th century got major assignment again that will keep me up till 24th exactly. Man!! I have no rest at all until the exam finishes, it seems............
Ahh. Wat else for this mini update. Glad that i updated my blog. I've started to really enjoy writing again. Heck, maybe cos i had no one to talk to, and i figure i'd say it out in the blog. Hehehehe.
I got myself undestanding more of blogspots stuff. Like 'following'...and how notifications of new comment be sent to my email. I know i know....i'm THAT noob. =//// Next up: learning how to post pics up..... X))
Oh. Today is second day without my dear 5610. I only used it for roughly 3 mths, i just realised. Even tho it was bought earlier. =(((( I miss it very much. But my new phone...i still treasure it given its 'shortcomings', because, well, i treasure stuff i own. And that it is really officially the first phone i bought for myself. I dunno, i am starting to feel something towards this new phone already. Affection, perhaps? LOL!!!!
Ahh....i guess i should go back to my assignments nw. Due date this friday...i must really speed up. Time is running out and i still have those damn exercises!!! >.< No more proper sleep....or i should rephrase....more improper sleeping times now........
P/S Cant wait for the new Transformers. Today i watched a small new clip from the movie. Megan Fox and a robot.....not a big fan of Transformers, so i dunno wat that Decepticon is called....heheheh....cant wait cant wait!!! xDDD
Monday, June 15, 2009
I lost it.
Perhaps subconsciously i saw this coming. After all, i had been very prone to do it. I was that careless. Careless and blurr, and not alert at all. I sometimes take pride in being alert, but, oh, i dunno. Perhaps weeks of irregular sleep patterns had changed me. Or maybe unhealthy diets. Or my condition is getting worse. I dont know. One of the few.
Today, i officially lost my phone.
My dear phone!!!! I'm sorry!!! ExpressMusic phone. One i treasured very much cos its one heck of a cool looking phone. And....the phone is not mine originally. It was my dad's. He re-used his old phone just so i could use this new phone. =(((( I feel so guilty. I feel so shameful. I feel so....bad.
I had left it in the car when i went to saberkas to reprint my stuff. I was paying, and i put the phone down on the seat. And then i chatted a bit with the uncle. Then.....i just went down. And left the phone behind. And stupidly, i only realised i left the phone almost 2 hrs later!!! How freaking idiotic can u be!!!
I was finishing the last touches to my orkbook and had wanted to leave the room. Then...i realised my phone's not there. The horror i felt. I cursed out loud. First thing i thought of is not the phone, its abt my parents. Sure my dad and mum gonna kill me!!! The phone is not cheap!!! Yes, it may not be those hi-tech phones which have everything, but nvrtheless, it's still expensive. I feel scared to go back home now. And i'm going back in 2 weekss time. =(((
What will they say? Will i get scolded like shit!!!
And then....i thought of my fren who i wanted to meet up together to see lecturer. I thought she must've texted me or sumting, and i wasnt able to reply!! Even so i still went to the uni bookstore to buy stickers for my folder before i went up to see her and my lecturer.
She was there....i was so relieved. I finally found one person i can borrow phone to use. Cos i need to recall my phone...and...i realised.....i dun have anyone in campus to depend on. =(( And i didn't remember phone numbers!!! So yea i was relieved and so i asked to borrow her phone to call my number.
The line is dead. With the voice saying "Sorry, the number you have dialed is unreachable. Pls..." i knew i had lost it forever. All positive thoughts that i might still find it is lost. The feeling i got that time was......indescribable.
I call the uncle again. The phone wasnt in the car anymore. Sure i die. Then i thought of my sim card. I need to suspend it! And my fren, bless her, called the operator for me. And i got my line temporarily suspended. =((((
After we went see lecturer(which didn't help, as the lecturer was not in a good mood and i think i absorbed her stress a bit) my fren offered to bring me go saberkas to get a new phone. God bless her. She wanted to go back do assignment, but becos of me...she had to delay.....i feel so bad....
So i got myself a really basic phone, costing just over $100. Really basic, no FM radio, no bluetooth, not even infrared. Lol. And the way i buy it, i was so rushing. Didn't even think of going other place to survey and compare. I just went to the first shop and bought it. God, wat was i thinkin!!!! The whole day...i wasnt thinking properly. I dunno why. Not enuff sleep? Not wanting to waste my fren's time? Aftershock of losing phone? All are possible.
And then we went Spring to retrieve a replacement sim card. At one point my fren asked me wat is pistachio. I knew it wasa a type of fruit or flavour, but i wanted to know the chinese meaning so i cud explain it properly to her. I reached into my pocket to get my trusty old phone to check dictionary.....then i realised i had lost it earlier. The heartbreak!!!! =(((
At last we went back campus. I'm glad my fren can finally go back and do her stuff!! While i continue to worry abt my last phone....now i do not have a camera phone anymore. I cannot take pics anymore. I felt like i lost a limb or sumting. Everywhere i went, if i saw sumting interesting, sure i take pic. But now....all is lost. I have to be contented with this new phone and 'look forward' to my parents anger....
So i spent the time configuring the phone. The tones suck big time. I was so sad. My expressmusic........gone. WHy me so careless?? But then right. This phone not that bad. It has a flashlight which i could turn on. Cool!!! How many of u have phones that have flashlight??? xDDDD And i cud also set different themes for different profiles...like general, or silent mode. Kinda cool!!! xDDD
Well all is not bad. Cant dwell too much of the past now. I should move on with the new one. Hard....cos i'm loyal. But. I shall think positive. No more complaining. =))
Ahh. Which reminds me. There was an online survey in my campus, where we stand a chance to win an iPhone. xDDD Maybe i was destined to lose my expressmusic phone in order to win the iPhone???? Who knows???? xDDDD
Oh, sure alot of ppl wanna smack me for my arrogance oredi. xDDDD
Shoutout: Sharon Bunny, many thanks. Words cant express my gratitude. God bless u.
Dear 5610, sorry to be such a stupid owner. I loved u alot.
Today, i officially lost my phone.
My dear phone!!!! I'm sorry!!! ExpressMusic phone. One i treasured very much cos its one heck of a cool looking phone. And....the phone is not mine originally. It was my dad's. He re-used his old phone just so i could use this new phone. =(((( I feel so guilty. I feel so shameful. I feel so....bad.
I had left it in the car when i went to saberkas to reprint my stuff. I was paying, and i put the phone down on the seat. And then i chatted a bit with the uncle. Then.....i just went down. And left the phone behind. And stupidly, i only realised i left the phone almost 2 hrs later!!! How freaking idiotic can u be!!!
I was finishing the last touches to my orkbook and had wanted to leave the room. Then...i realised my phone's not there. The horror i felt. I cursed out loud. First thing i thought of is not the phone, its abt my parents. Sure my dad and mum gonna kill me!!! The phone is not cheap!!! Yes, it may not be those hi-tech phones which have everything, but nvrtheless, it's still expensive. I feel scared to go back home now. And i'm going back in 2 weekss time. =(((
What will they say? Will i get scolded like shit!!!
And then....i thought of my fren who i wanted to meet up together to see lecturer. I thought she must've texted me or sumting, and i wasnt able to reply!! Even so i still went to the uni bookstore to buy stickers for my folder before i went up to see her and my lecturer.
She was there....i was so relieved. I finally found one person i can borrow phone to use. Cos i need to recall my phone...and...i realised.....i dun have anyone in campus to depend on. =(( And i didn't remember phone numbers!!! So yea i was relieved and so i asked to borrow her phone to call my number.
The line is dead. With the voice saying "Sorry, the number you have dialed is unreachable. Pls..." i knew i had lost it forever. All positive thoughts that i might still find it is lost. The feeling i got that time was......indescribable.
I call the uncle again. The phone wasnt in the car anymore. Sure i die. Then i thought of my sim card. I need to suspend it! And my fren, bless her, called the operator for me. And i got my line temporarily suspended. =((((
After we went see lecturer(which didn't help, as the lecturer was not in a good mood and i think i absorbed her stress a bit) my fren offered to bring me go saberkas to get a new phone. God bless her. She wanted to go back do assignment, but becos of me...she had to delay.....i feel so bad....
So i got myself a really basic phone, costing just over $100. Really basic, no FM radio, no bluetooth, not even infrared. Lol. And the way i buy it, i was so rushing. Didn't even think of going other place to survey and compare. I just went to the first shop and bought it. God, wat was i thinkin!!!! The whole day...i wasnt thinking properly. I dunno why. Not enuff sleep? Not wanting to waste my fren's time? Aftershock of losing phone? All are possible.
And then we went Spring to retrieve a replacement sim card. At one point my fren asked me wat is pistachio. I knew it wasa a type of fruit or flavour, but i wanted to know the chinese meaning so i cud explain it properly to her. I reached into my pocket to get my trusty old phone to check dictionary.....then i realised i had lost it earlier. The heartbreak!!!! =(((
At last we went back campus. I'm glad my fren can finally go back and do her stuff!! While i continue to worry abt my last phone....now i do not have a camera phone anymore. I cannot take pics anymore. I felt like i lost a limb or sumting. Everywhere i went, if i saw sumting interesting, sure i take pic. But now....all is lost. I have to be contented with this new phone and 'look forward' to my parents anger....
So i spent the time configuring the phone. The tones suck big time. I was so sad. My expressmusic........gone. WHy me so careless?? But then right. This phone not that bad. It has a flashlight which i could turn on. Cool!!! How many of u have phones that have flashlight??? xDDDD And i cud also set different themes for different profiles...like general, or silent mode. Kinda cool!!! xDDD
Well all is not bad. Cant dwell too much of the past now. I should move on with the new one. Hard....cos i'm loyal. But. I shall think positive. No more complaining. =))
Ahh. Which reminds me. There was an online survey in my campus, where we stand a chance to win an iPhone. xDDD Maybe i was destined to lose my expressmusic phone in order to win the iPhone???? Who knows???? xDDDD
Oh, sure alot of ppl wanna smack me for my arrogance oredi. xDDDD
Shoutout: Sharon Bunny, many thanks. Words cant express my gratitude. God bless u.
Dear 5610, sorry to be such a stupid owner. I loved u alot.
Every one and no one.
Friendship problems. Huh. There's this thought that cropped up into my mind one day.
"I can be friends with anyone. Not anyone can be friends with me."
I even went and thought abt different variations of the sentence.
"I am friends with everyone and no one at the same time."
See, ppl get bored of me eventually. that or they give up on me because i was too.....weird. Hahah. But i am used to it, i guess. I think more will come. Oh well.
How did i come up with that sentence? cos i was thinking abt how....i was there for a fren...and no fren was there for me. something like dat. like i can be anyone's friend and let them tell me wat they want, but in the end when i needed to do that myself, no one is there. yea, sumting like dat.
If anyone have new variations, can post as comments. all are welcome. but let me keep mine. xDD Ciao~~
"I can be friends with anyone. Not anyone can be friends with me."
I even went and thought abt different variations of the sentence.
"I am friends with everyone and no one at the same time."
See, ppl get bored of me eventually. that or they give up on me because i was too.....weird. Hahah. But i am used to it, i guess. I think more will come. Oh well.
How did i come up with that sentence? cos i was thinking abt how....i was there for a fren...and no fren was there for me. something like dat. like i can be anyone's friend and let them tell me wat they want, but in the end when i needed to do that myself, no one is there. yea, sumting like dat.
If anyone have new variations, can post as comments. all are welcome. but let me keep mine. xDD Ciao~~
Mini update...
So my posts have been so emo recently. sigh. wat a time to feel all this tension during the week that matters the most. argh.
i jsut read back some of the older posts. heart aches when i saw one post where i'm thankful for the friends. which i just lost. in a way. ahahahah~~~
anyway a mini update. now i'm in the final week of assignments. after this friday, i'm practically relieved of all the major assignments. which is cool. hehehe. cant wait for friday to come. last frday managed to get two major assignments out. relieved....
okay!! one more week and i'm going to be free!!! gambatte!!!
P/S i FINALLY got Patapon 1 and 2. gonna play it soon after assignment. and i just watched new trailer form FF13. Fucking cool. I'm terminally obssessed. LOL~~
i jsut read back some of the older posts. heart aches when i saw one post where i'm thankful for the friends. which i just lost. in a way. ahahahah~~~
anyway a mini update. now i'm in the final week of assignments. after this friday, i'm practically relieved of all the major assignments. which is cool. hehehe. cant wait for friday to come. last frday managed to get two major assignments out. relieved....
okay!! one more week and i'm going to be free!!! gambatte!!!
P/S i FINALLY got Patapon 1 and 2. gonna play it soon after assignment. and i just watched new trailer form FF13. Fucking cool. I'm terminally obssessed. LOL~~
Time has changed. Things have changed.
If u read my last post, u'll know that i am trying to put up effort to make up to the bunch of frens...not really making up, but u know, just to change things back to how they were last time before.
And. In the end i was hurt more. And more. And wat's worst, i dun tink there's any turning back now...
See, all the times i have been avoiding them...they had had so much fun without me. They met new frens thru anothers social circle. They hung out with each other more. They enjoyed themselves in facebook more. they are doing alot of stuff, going thru alot, and i missed all of that.
Well, that wasn't the main problem. I can do with not catching up. But the thing is....things are different already. No turning back.
They had gone so far without me. did so much without me. experienced alot without me. i'm cool with dat. i mean, wat do u expect, u were urself slaving away at ur assignments and not contacting them!!! but...i was too late. they were too far gone ahead. Up until the point where i am now an 'extra'.
Yep. Dat's right. They had moved on without me. I was no longer important in their circle. Ouch. That hurts. I'm having this silly ache in my heart now. Damn. Gotta continue. Well. Last time, it used to be like this: whenever there's lunch, suppa, tea or some hanging out together stuff, tehy will call me or text me abt it. askign if i wanna join. Now? No more. Even when i tot we were all past the last incident. Its still the same. Clearly they had moved on and got annoyed by me. They dun call me to eat or hang out anymore. And the funny thing is i always caught them hanging out. or havin dinner together. once i saw one of them waiting downstairs to go out. he saw me i think, and when i turned back to see him, he's gone. avoidin me perhaps? i dunno. then i caught another goin out. so they must be goin out together. another time i saw them came back from outside together once.
i'd like to think i dun care. but a small part of me does. why they dont call me?? why have to be so secretive abt it? why?? and another thing. whenever i hang out with them since the last incident, i always feel so left out of watever they were talking abt. they had gone thru so much, i cant even keep up anymore. so most of the time i was silent. and strangely, they continued talking as if i'm not there. no one asked how's my day. how's my assignments doin. am i ok. nope. nothing.
i feel left out. and that hurts. cos. they are the only friends i have in here. if i lose them, i have nothing else. if i am who i am 3 years ago, i will be very afraid. but the me now...i cant do anything abt it. i had to let them go. if i lost them, so be it. i cant force. forcing does no good. they are different. with me, or without me, it doesn't feel like a big difference. i slowly faded out from them.
thre's this fren of mine...who once were quite absent in our hang out last time. and all the time my fren was always askign abt her and stuff. care so much abt her. at last she was back in our group and everyone is happy.
i wonder if i'm the same tho. i tink mine is totally different. i was away for so long, yet noboddy misses me. when i was back, no one asked me wat i've been up to. so different.
does my presence not matter so much!! wat role do i play in the group? i dunno. seriously dunno. rght now i tink i can walk out on their lives and they wont even care. i dun tink they ever cared.
they saw me emo, then shun away from me. i told them why i'm disappointed with them, sure they think i'm childish and possessive. they saw i dun act normal...they dun dare to ask me wat happen. they ask among themselves. WTH. they dunno how to deal with me when i'm like this. they dunno anything abt me at all. they cant even differentiate me when i'm seriously angry or not. even when i'm joking and playfully teasing them that i'm angry, they turn all serious and apologise to me. wat the heck. if u cant even differentiate whether i'm serious or not then....u;re really disappointing as a fren. going by the times we all hang out together. utter disappointment.
I'm not like them. I have no one. They have their relatives here. they have their old classmates here. they have boyfrens or galfrens here. they have tons of frens among themselves. me? no one. i had no one to turn to. i had to suffer all of it by myself.
recently i'm always seen alone by ppl i know. and i'm getting more and more of this question: "Why are u alone? Where are ur frens?". i wanna say they left me. but no. i gave up some shit like 'oh, they're busy.' or 'i cannot be alone issit?'. anything but the truth. i even went and declare i've always been a loner. which is true.
if frens give up on u so fast, they are not worth it at all. they say they care, but they're not around when i need them. ppl find my flaws as time goes on, and then abandons me because of it. Nevermind. I've been thru this before. One more wont hurt. Its just another slash at the heart only. No big deal. The wound will close up. All that remains are jsut ugly scars anyway.
Now i dun hang out with them anymore. i dun call them up. i'm walking away....leaving all u to be free among u.........while i continue on my path as a lone ranger. you all continue on. thanks for walking with me on my journey so far ever since coming to campus. Now i shall bid goodbye as u all walked the other path to another journey. Goodbye gang. Hope u all find ur own happines amongst each other.
And. In the end i was hurt more. And more. And wat's worst, i dun tink there's any turning back now...
See, all the times i have been avoiding them...they had had so much fun without me. They met new frens thru anothers social circle. They hung out with each other more. They enjoyed themselves in facebook more. they are doing alot of stuff, going thru alot, and i missed all of that.
Well, that wasn't the main problem. I can do with not catching up. But the thing is....things are different already. No turning back.
They had gone so far without me. did so much without me. experienced alot without me. i'm cool with dat. i mean, wat do u expect, u were urself slaving away at ur assignments and not contacting them!!! but...i was too late. they were too far gone ahead. Up until the point where i am now an 'extra'.
Yep. Dat's right. They had moved on without me. I was no longer important in their circle. Ouch. That hurts. I'm having this silly ache in my heart now. Damn. Gotta continue. Well. Last time, it used to be like this: whenever there's lunch, suppa, tea or some hanging out together stuff, tehy will call me or text me abt it. askign if i wanna join. Now? No more. Even when i tot we were all past the last incident. Its still the same. Clearly they had moved on and got annoyed by me. They dun call me to eat or hang out anymore. And the funny thing is i always caught them hanging out. or havin dinner together. once i saw one of them waiting downstairs to go out. he saw me i think, and when i turned back to see him, he's gone. avoidin me perhaps? i dunno. then i caught another goin out. so they must be goin out together. another time i saw them came back from outside together once.
i'd like to think i dun care. but a small part of me does. why they dont call me?? why have to be so secretive abt it? why?? and another thing. whenever i hang out with them since the last incident, i always feel so left out of watever they were talking abt. they had gone thru so much, i cant even keep up anymore. so most of the time i was silent. and strangely, they continued talking as if i'm not there. no one asked how's my day. how's my assignments doin. am i ok. nope. nothing.
i feel left out. and that hurts. cos. they are the only friends i have in here. if i lose them, i have nothing else. if i am who i am 3 years ago, i will be very afraid. but the me now...i cant do anything abt it. i had to let them go. if i lost them, so be it. i cant force. forcing does no good. they are different. with me, or without me, it doesn't feel like a big difference. i slowly faded out from them.
thre's this fren of mine...who once were quite absent in our hang out last time. and all the time my fren was always askign abt her and stuff. care so much abt her. at last she was back in our group and everyone is happy.
i wonder if i'm the same tho. i tink mine is totally different. i was away for so long, yet noboddy misses me. when i was back, no one asked me wat i've been up to. so different.
does my presence not matter so much!! wat role do i play in the group? i dunno. seriously dunno. rght now i tink i can walk out on their lives and they wont even care. i dun tink they ever cared.
they saw me emo, then shun away from me. i told them why i'm disappointed with them, sure they think i'm childish and possessive. they saw i dun act normal...they dun dare to ask me wat happen. they ask among themselves. WTH. they dunno how to deal with me when i'm like this. they dunno anything abt me at all. they cant even differentiate me when i'm seriously angry or not. even when i'm joking and playfully teasing them that i'm angry, they turn all serious and apologise to me. wat the heck. if u cant even differentiate whether i'm serious or not then....u;re really disappointing as a fren. going by the times we all hang out together. utter disappointment.
I'm not like them. I have no one. They have their relatives here. they have their old classmates here. they have boyfrens or galfrens here. they have tons of frens among themselves. me? no one. i had no one to turn to. i had to suffer all of it by myself.
recently i'm always seen alone by ppl i know. and i'm getting more and more of this question: "Why are u alone? Where are ur frens?". i wanna say they left me. but no. i gave up some shit like 'oh, they're busy.' or 'i cannot be alone issit?'. anything but the truth. i even went and declare i've always been a loner. which is true.
if frens give up on u so fast, they are not worth it at all. they say they care, but they're not around when i need them. ppl find my flaws as time goes on, and then abandons me because of it. Nevermind. I've been thru this before. One more wont hurt. Its just another slash at the heart only. No big deal. The wound will close up. All that remains are jsut ugly scars anyway.
Now i dun hang out with them anymore. i dun call them up. i'm walking away....leaving all u to be free among u.........while i continue on my path as a lone ranger. you all continue on. thanks for walking with me on my journey so far ever since coming to campus. Now i shall bid goodbye as u all walked the other path to another journey. Goodbye gang. Hope u all find ur own happines amongst each other.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
A bad case of....bad case.
Things can be funny sometimes. Ironic, even. Well, i just find it amusing....
This week...hmm...i dunno wat happened really. So may tension. All from me i guess. In a way, i made it happen, but then, things happened for me to do it. I cant stop myself.
I can sense....awkwardness between me and my 'gang'. My 'gang'. My petname for all of us, tho i keep this only to myself. U see. SOmetimes they annoy me. Like, being too careless. Or just ignorant. Like the incident in my last post. Well, we talked things over. Em, not really 'over'. How did the talk go?
They asked me wat's wrong with me. Why i seem to avoid them. Heck, they were back from drinks, which i rejected following them, and they look sleepy. I ask them if they're sure they wanna talk abt it then. Cos...i wanted to talk abt it when everyone's clear-headed. They insisted. So yeah no choice. I tell them.
With me, its always no choice no choice. Sometimes, i think, i can die because of my friends. Die FOR them. Die COS of them. I think both are applicable. I'm letting myself be taken for granted. when they wanna talk abt stuf i'm there. When they wanna speak abt their problem i'm there. But what abt me? Who do i turn to? Where are they when i need them the most?
I did so much. Yet. Got nothing in return. I'm not directly pur[osefully asking for something back. No, i'm not that kind of person. But i had a talk wiht my other friend, who's not in this circle. We talked abt how some part of us we are similar. One of them is that...we are actually demnding individuals. In a way. I shall explain.
You see. Ppl like me, we dun expect much from other ppl. we dun ask for stuff from other ppl. the only thing we wanted back is something equal. not more, not less. equal and same is fine. like how we ask ppl something, if we asked u only stuff abt A, then of cos when u ask us back it shud be abt A only.
Is dat why i'm expecting so much back in return? just cos i gave out a lot? i dunno....
A while later, i chatted with another friend who's not in that circle as well. i found out we are the same. well i've, we've actually known him to be a loner, but i myself never expected him to be so similar to me. like for real. we talked...abt how no one understands us. yea u may shake ur head and laugh at our pathetic emo-ness, but its true. till now, i can still find not a single person that understands me. and so we shared our experiences wiht other ppl. i found out we had so much in common. i'm starting to really like this guy. as in, like. not crush or sumting. just like. and i'm glad i found another me.
we talked abt possessiveness. he started by asking me...if i am possessive. i replied yea, at times. but not everytime. he said he does it too. we think its a part of us dat we cant help much abt. its in our nature(ppl, read star signs). i shared wiht him my thoughts on possessiveness.
for me...i think its cos i cared too much. so much so until i became possessive, and din realise it until its too late. well now i'm better. now i know when exactly i'm being possessive. so i take a step back and be calm. not always worked...but ut wass definitely helping...
we ended the chat with him advising me to hold on to my friends, cos i dun get many chance at friendship like dat. he's worse, he got no friends. i rily pity him. ahh..well.
So, i shud be more open. Dun be too possessive. treasre them. i'll try..........
This week...hmm...i dunno wat happened really. So may tension. All from me i guess. In a way, i made it happen, but then, things happened for me to do it. I cant stop myself.
I can sense....awkwardness between me and my 'gang'. My 'gang'. My petname for all of us, tho i keep this only to myself. U see. SOmetimes they annoy me. Like, being too careless. Or just ignorant. Like the incident in my last post. Well, we talked things over. Em, not really 'over'. How did the talk go?
They asked me wat's wrong with me. Why i seem to avoid them. Heck, they were back from drinks, which i rejected following them, and they look sleepy. I ask them if they're sure they wanna talk abt it then. Cos...i wanted to talk abt it when everyone's clear-headed. They insisted. So yeah no choice. I tell them.
With me, its always no choice no choice. Sometimes, i think, i can die because of my friends. Die FOR them. Die COS of them. I think both are applicable. I'm letting myself be taken for granted. when they wanna talk abt stuf i'm there. When they wanna speak abt their problem i'm there. But what abt me? Who do i turn to? Where are they when i need them the most?
I did so much. Yet. Got nothing in return. I'm not directly pur[osefully asking for something back. No, i'm not that kind of person. But i had a talk wiht my other friend, who's not in this circle. We talked abt how some part of us we are similar. One of them is that...we are actually demnding individuals. In a way. I shall explain.
You see. Ppl like me, we dun expect much from other ppl. we dun ask for stuff from other ppl. the only thing we wanted back is something equal. not more, not less. equal and same is fine. like how we ask ppl something, if we asked u only stuff abt A, then of cos when u ask us back it shud be abt A only.
Is dat why i'm expecting so much back in return? just cos i gave out a lot? i dunno....
A while later, i chatted with another friend who's not in that circle as well. i found out we are the same. well i've, we've actually known him to be a loner, but i myself never expected him to be so similar to me. like for real. we talked...abt how no one understands us. yea u may shake ur head and laugh at our pathetic emo-ness, but its true. till now, i can still find not a single person that understands me. and so we shared our experiences wiht other ppl. i found out we had so much in common. i'm starting to really like this guy. as in, like. not crush or sumting. just like. and i'm glad i found another me.
we talked abt possessiveness. he started by asking me...if i am possessive. i replied yea, at times. but not everytime. he said he does it too. we think its a part of us dat we cant help much abt. its in our nature(ppl, read star signs). i shared wiht him my thoughts on possessiveness.
for me...i think its cos i cared too much. so much so until i became possessive, and din realise it until its too late. well now i'm better. now i know when exactly i'm being possessive. so i take a step back and be calm. not always worked...but ut wass definitely helping...
we ended the chat with him advising me to hold on to my friends, cos i dun get many chance at friendship like dat. he's worse, he got no friends. i rily pity him. ahh..well.
So, i shud be more open. Dun be too possessive. treasre them. i'll try..........
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Exciting events....
So this week alone it happened two events that was kinda cool to happen to me. First was a photography talk by a renowned professional photographer by the name of Alvin Leong which was held in my campus on wednesday 27th May. Together with Breeze model search and more importantly, Canon, who's goin to display some of their EOS DSLR cameras, of cos i'm going!! That and the fact that i didn't have classes that time...nice....this was an opportunity not to be missed!!
And so i went with my fren, whose interest in photography outweighs my own. After registering ourselves we went into the auditorium. The Canon booth was on the right side, and further up front was a set up for the model photoshooting. To the left is a table with free Breeze magazines. Of cos, both of us went straight to the camera booths.
Some of the cameras are mounted with lens already, like one with telephoto lens and another with zooming lens. We were saying how heavy the equipment will be! Hehehe!!! Then we quickly settled ourselves and wait till everyone was there.....while we spend time talking and occasionally glance at who was in the auditorium xP
Minutes later...the emcee cam eup and asked evryone to be seated..and then mr alvin himself started his talk. i was really glad i went to the talk. i learnt alot. like abt the Digic thing in Canon cameras. And he even recommended wat camera to by for beginners, which i'm gonna take his advice. Lol~~~
He said....as a start, the 1000D model is a good enuff investment. Since u are starting out, there's no need to buy a high-level camera yet. unless u pro already. cos one camera can last 3-5years. by the time is up, there could be better models around already. so yea. if i am really getting a DSLR, i'm gonna buy the 1000D first. Cos it was the only model within my budget. And originally i wanted this one before i switched to target the 450D. So yea...keep my fingeers crossed, i'll save enuff in time to buy one new DSLR!!!
Another cool part of the talk was the Breeze models. 6 had came and were allowed for us to shoot them. naturally, of course i tool the chance to shoot them....even tho my camera is the normal dg ones....while eveyone's is like DSLR...but wth...i dun care...just shoot only...and the nice thing is lvin standing by the side giving tips how to shoot a good angle...and how to communicate with the model....so even tho i had to stop early cos my battery low and memory card full, i was satisfied.... =D
after the photo shoot...me and my friend went over to check out the cameras for real this time. I had to confess, that was the first time ever i hold a DSLR in my hand!!! i was thrilled like a 3 year old...but of cos i hid it. HAHAHAH. so i checked out a 1000D model that had lost battery(or hadn't any battery at all)..and another 1000D that had a type of lens mounted on it...i think its a zooming lens...i took a few shots with it...and i LOVE how it came out. Damn...if only i had this thing to myself to play with!!! then next came the 450D...which i played with too....doesn;t feel too differetn from 1000D tho....or maybe i was too excited to notice...heheheheh yeah.....
and by way of ending the talk...we all did a group photo with alvin.
Yeah. It was a blast all right.
THE SECOND EVENT
Happened on friday, week 12 of class, for 2D animation. for that class we were going to do something outside campus...lecturer posted that we meet at this Bing! cafe in town. and so we went....
The place is nice. I still dun like coffe. But i appreciate the place. then we all sat at the back of the cafe and waited for everyone to come. then lecturer briefed us on wat we all gonna do...and guess what?? Movie shooting!!!!
I was already excited at havin a class out of campus...but movie making made it more interestign!!!! but we werent just making ANY movie. we had to make a short film....in which the characters in the film will have to do super stuff like...disappearing suddenly and reappear...sumthing like that...and well the trick is just in pasting the frames. sounds fun huh!!
so me and my three friends, we went off to look for location to shoot. in the end we ended up beside a nighttime clubbing hotspot...lol...but since its 3pm in the afternoon...there wasn;t anyone. except the ppl working in the club next door getting ready to open business....
so we went back and got a tripod from the lecturer(who's in the cafe) and went back to start shooting. and so we thought up a story: aliens appeared on earth out of nowhere. and then they were looking at their surrounding...their new location. just wat are these aliens doing here? and so they tested their powers in that street...disappear and reappear. in the end of the short film, the aliens moved to the front of the camera and snapped the whole thing off. nice? hope so! xD
and so we got ready. i chose to be director. cos i really wanna direct stuff for once. i like seeing over how films are made. and i really wanted to try. so i volunteered to be director. 2 of them became the 'beautiful' aliens, and another is the 'camerawoman'. HAHAHAHA. sorry din say ur names out. i'm respecting ur privacy....lol.......
and so we shot the film. wat was fun for me was the process. the process of filming...and changing ideas..and stuff. and also the people in the club next door. all of them were watching us film. i feel a bit embarassed but oh well. we had to go on. and credits to my frens the actresses who didn;'t complain abt the 'extra audience'. the people even helped say 'action!' 'ready!' all dat....tho i tink it was to amuse themselves on their part. LOL. filming was made slower due to the fact that people were walking on the streeet....and we needed an empty street at all times to maintain the flow of the film. so everytime a person walks by....we had to wait almost a full minute for them to pass!!
so filming wrapped up around 4.10pm...by that time we were all feeling very hot and thirsty. we went back to find the lecturer and showed her our footage. we were to edit it next week in class. COOL!!!!
and then i went and got sumtign to drink. to satisfy the thirst from all dat heat. in the end i settled with ABC, which my fren highly recommended. and......IT TASTED LIKE HEAVEN!!!!! it was so nice, and costed only $1.50. super valuable!!!! i love it...till i decided to go for second round. HAHAHAH. i ordered another type....i think got six different stuff in it....that kind...adn it tasted good as well!!!! i just tasted the best ices EVER!!!!
So there u go. two things that happened that was rocking awesome that week. of cos...who wud've thought i'm gonna be surprised and disappointed later ab the whole thing frm previous post. but oh well. this isn' wat i wana talk here!! wat i wanna say is the two great events...and...i immortalised it as a blog!! xDDDD
And so i went with my fren, whose interest in photography outweighs my own. After registering ourselves we went into the auditorium. The Canon booth was on the right side, and further up front was a set up for the model photoshooting. To the left is a table with free Breeze magazines. Of cos, both of us went straight to the camera booths.
Some of the cameras are mounted with lens already, like one with telephoto lens and another with zooming lens. We were saying how heavy the equipment will be! Hehehe!!! Then we quickly settled ourselves and wait till everyone was there.....while we spend time talking and occasionally glance at who was in the auditorium xP
Minutes later...the emcee cam eup and asked evryone to be seated..and then mr alvin himself started his talk. i was really glad i went to the talk. i learnt alot. like abt the Digic thing in Canon cameras. And he even recommended wat camera to by for beginners, which i'm gonna take his advice. Lol~~~
He said....as a start, the 1000D model is a good enuff investment. Since u are starting out, there's no need to buy a high-level camera yet. unless u pro already. cos one camera can last 3-5years. by the time is up, there could be better models around already. so yea. if i am really getting a DSLR, i'm gonna buy the 1000D first. Cos it was the only model within my budget. And originally i wanted this one before i switched to target the 450D. So yea...keep my fingeers crossed, i'll save enuff in time to buy one new DSLR!!!
Another cool part of the talk was the Breeze models. 6 had came and were allowed for us to shoot them. naturally, of course i tool the chance to shoot them....even tho my camera is the normal dg ones....while eveyone's is like DSLR...but wth...i dun care...just shoot only...and the nice thing is lvin standing by the side giving tips how to shoot a good angle...and how to communicate with the model....so even tho i had to stop early cos my battery low and memory card full, i was satisfied.... =D
after the photo shoot...me and my friend went over to check out the cameras for real this time. I had to confess, that was the first time ever i hold a DSLR in my hand!!! i was thrilled like a 3 year old...but of cos i hid it. HAHAHAH. so i checked out a 1000D model that had lost battery(or hadn't any battery at all)..and another 1000D that had a type of lens mounted on it...i think its a zooming lens...i took a few shots with it...and i LOVE how it came out. Damn...if only i had this thing to myself to play with!!! then next came the 450D...which i played with too....doesn;t feel too differetn from 1000D tho....or maybe i was too excited to notice...heheheheh yeah.....
and by way of ending the talk...we all did a group photo with alvin.
Yeah. It was a blast all right.
THE SECOND EVENT
Happened on friday, week 12 of class, for 2D animation. for that class we were going to do something outside campus...lecturer posted that we meet at this Bing! cafe in town. and so we went....
The place is nice. I still dun like coffe. But i appreciate the place. then we all sat at the back of the cafe and waited for everyone to come. then lecturer briefed us on wat we all gonna do...and guess what?? Movie shooting!!!!
I was already excited at havin a class out of campus...but movie making made it more interestign!!!! but we werent just making ANY movie. we had to make a short film....in which the characters in the film will have to do super stuff like...disappearing suddenly and reappear...sumthing like that...and well the trick is just in pasting the frames. sounds fun huh!!
so me and my three friends, we went off to look for location to shoot. in the end we ended up beside a nighttime clubbing hotspot...lol...but since its 3pm in the afternoon...there wasn;t anyone. except the ppl working in the club next door getting ready to open business....
so we went back and got a tripod from the lecturer(who's in the cafe) and went back to start shooting. and so we thought up a story: aliens appeared on earth out of nowhere. and then they were looking at their surrounding...their new location. just wat are these aliens doing here? and so they tested their powers in that street...disappear and reappear. in the end of the short film, the aliens moved to the front of the camera and snapped the whole thing off. nice? hope so! xD
and so we got ready. i chose to be director. cos i really wanna direct stuff for once. i like seeing over how films are made. and i really wanted to try. so i volunteered to be director. 2 of them became the 'beautiful' aliens, and another is the 'camerawoman'. HAHAHAHA. sorry din say ur names out. i'm respecting ur privacy....lol.......
and so we shot the film. wat was fun for me was the process. the process of filming...and changing ideas..and stuff. and also the people in the club next door. all of them were watching us film. i feel a bit embarassed but oh well. we had to go on. and credits to my frens the actresses who didn;'t complain abt the 'extra audience'. the people even helped say 'action!' 'ready!' all dat....tho i tink it was to amuse themselves on their part. LOL. filming was made slower due to the fact that people were walking on the streeet....and we needed an empty street at all times to maintain the flow of the film. so everytime a person walks by....we had to wait almost a full minute for them to pass!!
so filming wrapped up around 4.10pm...by that time we were all feeling very hot and thirsty. we went back to find the lecturer and showed her our footage. we were to edit it next week in class. COOL!!!!
and then i went and got sumtign to drink. to satisfy the thirst from all dat heat. in the end i settled with ABC, which my fren highly recommended. and......IT TASTED LIKE HEAVEN!!!!! it was so nice, and costed only $1.50. super valuable!!!! i love it...till i decided to go for second round. HAHAHAH. i ordered another type....i think got six different stuff in it....that kind...adn it tasted good as well!!!! i just tasted the best ices EVER!!!!
So there u go. two things that happened that was rocking awesome that week. of cos...who wud've thought i'm gonna be surprised and disappointed later ab the whole thing frm previous post. but oh well. this isn' wat i wana talk here!! wat i wanna say is the two great events...and...i immortalised it as a blog!! xDDDD
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Lone.Li.Ness. Welcome back~
My old friend is back again. My past had came back to haunt me. Why, of all times, now?? I'm already very busy and stressed with all my assignments, and now, emotional casualties are happening to me again? The timing couldnt have been better.....
I've always reveled in the fact that me, unlike all of my friends, do not have any crush on whoever, and no relationship problems to stress myself out as well. I was the one who wasnt really good looking, and who always get unnoticed by everyone everywhere i go. My shabby appearance helps too. So i was glad that i do not have problems from this department at all.
Wont u feel lonely at times u ask? Yea, i will, sometimes i feel a lil bit awkward seeing other couples around, but the feelings are under my control; i wont get too worked up on it. I still feel okay.
But recently..things happened which brought all that sense of loneliness back again. No, its not about anything in the love department. In the contrary, its another thing all together. Since i am not in a relationship or wat ever, watever things i wanted to share, whoever i wanted to hang out with, i will find my friends. They are liek my anchor of un-loneliness. But...things haf changed....kinda....
I'm starting to feel, even my friends desert me now. They seem to leave me out of alot of things now. Or they do not want to hang out at our usual times now. As a result, i cant help but feel things have changed. Things weren't like how they were last time. Part of the reason was that our critical times have comed: the final exams. Alot of people are stressed,a dn generally we hang out less often. But that wasnt a good enuff excuse, cos, they still hang out with each other, without me in.
Are they bored with me already? I am, after all, a very boring person.
Whatever it is, my old friend, Loneliness, is visiting me again. Soon, his wife, Isolation, might come too.
For now, i shall start grounding myself from everyhting, and everyone, again.
I've always reveled in the fact that me, unlike all of my friends, do not have any crush on whoever, and no relationship problems to stress myself out as well. I was the one who wasnt really good looking, and who always get unnoticed by everyone everywhere i go. My shabby appearance helps too. So i was glad that i do not have problems from this department at all.
Wont u feel lonely at times u ask? Yea, i will, sometimes i feel a lil bit awkward seeing other couples around, but the feelings are under my control; i wont get too worked up on it. I still feel okay.
But recently..things happened which brought all that sense of loneliness back again. No, its not about anything in the love department. In the contrary, its another thing all together. Since i am not in a relationship or wat ever, watever things i wanted to share, whoever i wanted to hang out with, i will find my friends. They are liek my anchor of un-loneliness. But...things haf changed....kinda....
I'm starting to feel, even my friends desert me now. They seem to leave me out of alot of things now. Or they do not want to hang out at our usual times now. As a result, i cant help but feel things have changed. Things weren't like how they were last time. Part of the reason was that our critical times have comed: the final exams. Alot of people are stressed,a dn generally we hang out less often. But that wasnt a good enuff excuse, cos, they still hang out with each other, without me in.
Are they bored with me already? I am, after all, a very boring person.
Whatever it is, my old friend, Loneliness, is visiting me again. Soon, his wife, Isolation, might come too.
For now, i shall start grounding myself from everyhting, and everyone, again.
Rollercoaster ride of emotions~~
I dunno wat to feel. How to feel. I was sore. Disappointed with my friends. I was very down, and selfishly, i was blaming them. I know i shouldn't feel this way; my brain was telling me the right thing to do, but i couldn't do it. I just...couldn't. I knew better, but i couldn't help it.
See, this is over a small matter. Yea, this is going to be huge rant on a small stuff. Hahah. How immature. One would have though i'm waaaayy past that. I thought i had matured. I was not.
I dunno wat's with some people. Right, they are busy, so they need to better manage and schedule their time, so they cant hang out much anymore. Yes, i understand that. What i dont understand is that, why are u doing it the wrong way, in the reverse direction instead of forward? U told me u are too busy for supper, that u cant hang out long for conversations, that u went for dinner instead, but, why can u hang out long time for dinner? Its just a matter of time, isn't it? Supper comes later. That's all. Its the same thing. U still talk and 'waste time'. Why not instead do it during supper, where more of us are around?
Sigh. And yesterday they went out...without even telling me. I was ver disappointed, sad. Why didn't they tell me? And i thought they only go out for awhile. Instead they went out till nightime, and i had to read from Facebook that one of them had the time of his life, and that he managed to buy the stuff he wants. I was so sad. When i texted them abt supper, they already took dinner and wasnt back yet. Imagine my surprise. Cos, i thought we were all gonna go out today later to shop, but instead, they had went first without me and got what they wanted. I was terribly, terribly, left out.
I was angry at them. My mood turned down, i do not feel like i want to face anyone. At all. I dont want to see them. I was angry. Jealous abit, yeah. Jealousy is a scary thing. I do not like it. But there was a tiny pang of jealousy within me that time. Sigh. Well, let them be. watever they wanna do. Just let them.
Today, i tried to reason and analyse(which i'm always doing, anyway). Why hadn;t they tell me anything? Well, i told myself, it could be these: 1) i was going for an excursion for my class and i had a chance to get out to town. Maybe they feel like going out too, since i was already out. 2) They knew i probably wont join them anyway(i had stated earlier i wanna play sports that night), so they didn't even bother to ask. 3) The urge of shopping is too strong to ignore. Other than these 3, i cant think of any anymore.
My answer to that? 1) plain stupid. 2) wth? did u even TRY to ask me? who knows, i just might say yes! and not even tellin me a single thing. that is just disrespectful. Or maybe i was being a busybody and thinking too much. 3) this...i can accept.
What annoyed me more was that while they were shopping, i sustained minor injuries, and i experienced aomething fun earlier, but cant talk to them abt it. Well, i'll tell the world abt it instead. Haha. That's why i'm here...
Yesterday. Everything was goin fine until late afternoon. Since late afternoon i felt like shit. That was when the 'incident' happened. Had the best time in afternoon, only to feel like shit from evening till night. Damn. I was tired, physically and emotionally. And no one asked abt me. At all. A 'how are u?' or 'wat are u doing?'...was visibly absent. Until the late hours in the night when there came a text message to me explaining a low battery whole day as a reason for not replying my text messages, ending with 'How are u?' TOO LATE. ITS TOO LATE. Too late to ask me. Even tho its still nice for him to ask, but it's too late. And to think, he's the only one who ask that. My my. I'm extremely disappointed in all of them. Or was i expecting too much?
My emo side is getting at me again. Whenever something like this happens, i would dwell on my emo-ness for a long time, and basically being a piece of emo crap. Sigh. I dunno wat to do now, except avoiding them if possible. I cant face them yet. Face them with my normal attitude. If i saw them, i know i'll be unjust to them by treating them cold, and the worst thing is they dunno what their actions had did to me!!! And i do not liek it when ppl was wrong and didn;t knew it; then they get all confused why my attitude changed or sumting. Sigh. People. And relationships. And my own silly principles. Sigh. How do i get mad? How do i stop being mad? I do not know. Maybe time will wash away everything.
Sometimes, i would think, 'What if one day i fainted on the road, or gotten myself into an accident, and no one knew, because they were having too much fun? What if they only knew when it was too late?'
TOO LATE. Sad words that feels worse with regret.
*end*
p/s i will post more emo thoughts again from yesterday. Meanwhile i will also post two things that happened to me which i thought was AWESOME! which happened in this week alone. Dont miss out(if i still have any readers left, that is)!!
See, this is over a small matter. Yea, this is going to be huge rant on a small stuff. Hahah. How immature. One would have though i'm waaaayy past that. I thought i had matured. I was not.
I dunno wat's with some people. Right, they are busy, so they need to better manage and schedule their time, so they cant hang out much anymore. Yes, i understand that. What i dont understand is that, why are u doing it the wrong way, in the reverse direction instead of forward? U told me u are too busy for supper, that u cant hang out long for conversations, that u went for dinner instead, but, why can u hang out long time for dinner? Its just a matter of time, isn't it? Supper comes later. That's all. Its the same thing. U still talk and 'waste time'. Why not instead do it during supper, where more of us are around?
Sigh. And yesterday they went out...without even telling me. I was ver disappointed, sad. Why didn't they tell me? And i thought they only go out for awhile. Instead they went out till nightime, and i had to read from Facebook that one of them had the time of his life, and that he managed to buy the stuff he wants. I was so sad. When i texted them abt supper, they already took dinner and wasnt back yet. Imagine my surprise. Cos, i thought we were all gonna go out today later to shop, but instead, they had went first without me and got what they wanted. I was terribly, terribly, left out.
I was angry at them. My mood turned down, i do not feel like i want to face anyone. At all. I dont want to see them. I was angry. Jealous abit, yeah. Jealousy is a scary thing. I do not like it. But there was a tiny pang of jealousy within me that time. Sigh. Well, let them be. watever they wanna do. Just let them.
Today, i tried to reason and analyse(which i'm always doing, anyway). Why hadn;t they tell me anything? Well, i told myself, it could be these: 1) i was going for an excursion for my class and i had a chance to get out to town. Maybe they feel like going out too, since i was already out. 2) They knew i probably wont join them anyway(i had stated earlier i wanna play sports that night), so they didn't even bother to ask. 3) The urge of shopping is too strong to ignore. Other than these 3, i cant think of any anymore.
My answer to that? 1) plain stupid. 2) wth? did u even TRY to ask me? who knows, i just might say yes! and not even tellin me a single thing. that is just disrespectful. Or maybe i was being a busybody and thinking too much. 3) this...i can accept.
What annoyed me more was that while they were shopping, i sustained minor injuries, and i experienced aomething fun earlier, but cant talk to them abt it. Well, i'll tell the world abt it instead. Haha. That's why i'm here...
Yesterday. Everything was goin fine until late afternoon. Since late afternoon i felt like shit. That was when the 'incident' happened. Had the best time in afternoon, only to feel like shit from evening till night. Damn. I was tired, physically and emotionally. And no one asked abt me. At all. A 'how are u?' or 'wat are u doing?'...was visibly absent. Until the late hours in the night when there came a text message to me explaining a low battery whole day as a reason for not replying my text messages, ending with 'How are u?' TOO LATE. ITS TOO LATE. Too late to ask me. Even tho its still nice for him to ask, but it's too late. And to think, he's the only one who ask that. My my. I'm extremely disappointed in all of them. Or was i expecting too much?
My emo side is getting at me again. Whenever something like this happens, i would dwell on my emo-ness for a long time, and basically being a piece of emo crap. Sigh. I dunno wat to do now, except avoiding them if possible. I cant face them yet. Face them with my normal attitude. If i saw them, i know i'll be unjust to them by treating them cold, and the worst thing is they dunno what their actions had did to me!!! And i do not liek it when ppl was wrong and didn;t knew it; then they get all confused why my attitude changed or sumting. Sigh. People. And relationships. And my own silly principles. Sigh. How do i get mad? How do i stop being mad? I do not know. Maybe time will wash away everything.
Sometimes, i would think, 'What if one day i fainted on the road, or gotten myself into an accident, and no one knew, because they were having too much fun? What if they only knew when it was too late?'
TOO LATE. Sad words that feels worse with regret.
*end*
p/s i will post more emo thoughts again from yesterday. Meanwhile i will also post two things that happened to me which i thought was AWESOME! which happened in this week alone. Dont miss out(if i still have any readers left, that is)!!
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